All Entries Tagged With: "Wal-Mart"
Walmart to Develop Wal-borhoods for More Neighborhood Markets
Springfield, MO – The Bentonville, AR based retail giant Walmart has announced plans to build more neighborhoods in the Ozarks to accommodate their growth plan for the area. Walmart will begin construction on the communities this fall which will allow time to build the Neighborhood Markets to support them by early next year. The […]
National Bubba Day Sparks Riot at Walmart
Springfield Mo- As we all know June 2nd is the national celebration of Bubba day. Beet Farmers, Cattle Handlers, and other Bumpkins take the day off to remember loved ones and embrace the traditional family name that started right here in the Ozarks. The holiday started in 1862 by co-founders Bubba Jenkins and Bubba […]
Northtown Mall-Mart Still a Mall
Springfield, MO – Owner of the Northtown Mall on Kearney and Glenstone fears that Wal-Mart is scaring off other tenants. “Yes we are still a mall,” stated the owner. Its not hard to see how this is confusing to Springfield residents as Wal-Mart seems to have overtaken the Northtown Mall structure with its new super […]
Holiday Traffic Destroys Holiday Spirit
Springfield, MO—Drivers on local roadways left their homes filled with the holiday spirit, ready to purchase gifts fro loved ones, food for celebrations and packages to pass along holiday cheer. Unfortunately, once these jolly riders reached parking lots known as Glenstone, Sunshine, National or the dreaded Battlefield, all holiday joy was immediately converted into anti-elf […]
The Fair…
Although I dread going, every year I find myself there…the fair. It is not a pleasant experience but yet somehow thousands of people flock to this virtual hell hole every year. They bring their friends, their neighbors, their livestock, their neighbors livestock and pretty much anyone who will come. The fair somehow supersedes reality by […]
Wal-Mart Replaces Greeters with Chimpanzees
Boliver, MO – Negative customer feedback has led Wal-Mart to begin replacing door greeters with trained Chimpanzees. “In test studies, we found that the chimps were seen as more friendly and could respond more quickly and expertly to customer concerns than the current door greeters,” said Wal-Mart public manipulations representative Sanford Serifftico. Chimps will also […]
Crippling Winter Storm Placed on Cancellation List
Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers awoke to a disappointing morning of little snowfall accumulation this morning. According to news reports this area was expecting 8-12 inches of snow prompting school, business and social cancellations. “I was planning to take off from work, read a book and watch a few movies, but now thanks to Mother Nature […]
Local Startup Draws Infinite Growth
Joplin, MO- Fresh off their first trade show in Dallas this past weekend, local start-up Wearable Art experienced record tying infinite growth over the previous month, most likely fueling the 115 point rally on Wall Street. “The exciting dynamic with start-ups is the tremendous growth. GE or Wal-Mart can’t touch the infinite growth rate,” explains […]
Woman Can’t Tell Difference Between Dora, Kai-Lan
Springfield, MO—Local grandmother Ellen Younger frustrated last minute shoppers as she blocked an isle at the Walmart Independence location trying to decipher if the toy she was holding was Dora or Kai-Lan. “Now this must be Dora,” she said holding a Kai-Lan doll. Her shopping partner Nola Rigsby concurred, then retracted her judgment saying, “well, […]
Economy Gives the “Q” New Events
Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in […]
Two Women Use Jedi Mind Trick To Rob Joplin Businesses
Joplin, MO—Police are looking for two women who stole a train suspension system from the F A G Bearings plant on Tuesday night. Police said one of the women posed as a F A G employee and the second played the role of customer. The duo also reportedly made off with a 52-inch, flat-screen Samsung […]
