All Entries Tagged With: "Voting"
Missourians’ Right to Breathe upheld on Tuesday
Constitutional Amendment 86, known informally as the Right to Breathe Act, and known even more informally as “The Hot Air Bill,” passed by an undeniable majority at the polls this Tuesday. The bill—on the ballot alongside other amendments concerning gun control restrictions, factory farms, and internet privacy—upholds a god-given right that was in no way actually […]
Springfieldians Vote In Record Numbers…On Facebook Polls
Springfield, MO- In a stunning show of the power of democracy a record amount of Springfield citizens showed their love of the democratic process by voting in various elections across the area. Unfortunately the vast majority of the votes were cast in Facebook polls. “I know it is my patriotic duty to cast my vote […]
Missouri Primary Results Show We Can Waste Money!
Springfield, MO – Several voters turned out to vote in Missouri’s meaningless Republican primary to prove that Missouri can waste a crap-ton of money on a meaningless and painfully boring activity such as voting for politicians. “Yeah, voting is so much fun!” sneered Nancy Huffingtonmunch, a nasty old woman who felt compelled to volunteer to […]
7th District Hopefuls Have No Vote
Springfield MO—The voting records for all three candidates running for the 7th congressional house seat appears to be rare or non-existent. Each candidate has admitted for whatever reason, that they could not get out of bed and go vote on Election Day. Democrat Scott Eckersley has only voted twice in the past eight years. “Frankly, […]
Elderly and Jobless to Vote Today
Springfield, MO—Ozarkers will take to the polls today; the jobless and elderly will likely constitute the majority of those voting as most people in this area don’t bother themselves with such trivial issues. Voters in Springfield will be asked to approve the mistakes of the City of Springfield on the Fire and Police Fund or […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
