All Entries Tagged With: "vote"
Springfield City Sales Tax Continuation Reveals Horrifying Fine Print
Springfield, MO- Days after 74% of voters approved a sales tax continuation, law makers discovered small text that shows an insidious and terrifying side to the proposition. Although the continuation was said to improve Republic Road, the construction was also to release unspeakable evil. “We thought it was cut and dry until we say the […]
Obama Calls It Quits After Redskins Loss
Springfield, MO – The local democratic campaign office has announced that President Obama will not seek another term after the Washington Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers this past weekend. The report referenced Obama’s decision was based solely upon the Redskins Rule, which has accurately predicted the outcome of every presidential election since 1940. Obama […]
Missouri Primary Results Show We Can Waste Money!
Springfield, MO – Several voters turned out to vote in Missouri’s meaningless Republican primary to prove that Missouri can waste a crap-ton of money on a meaningless and painfully boring activity such as voting for politicians. “Yeah, voting is so much fun!” sneered Nancy Huffingtonmunch, a nasty old woman who felt compelled to volunteer to […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
