All Entries Tagged With: "St Louis Cardinals"
Huge Freaking Cardinals Invade Springfield
Springfield, MO – Swarms of red-feathered beasts flocked into the Ozarks Monday evening, and collected at Hammons Field near downtown Springfield. “The big cards are here!” screamed Joey Huffington, an 8th grader who screeched his terrifying message while running hysterically from a nearby parking garage. According to sources, the large, flight-enabled monsters regularly appear around […]
Springfield Cardinals Extends Offer to Pujols
Springfield, MO – Jumping into the Albert Pujols race at the last minute is the local Texas League AA affiliate, the Springfield Cardinals. Following the revelation that the Miami Marlins dropped out of the race, the little Cards decided that they should join the Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and St. Louis Cardinals […]
SGF Cardinals Adopt “Rally Bass”
Springfield, MO – To capitalize on the success of the St. Louis Cardinals rally squirrel, the local farm team has adopted a team mascot equally powerful in producing wins. The new mascot has ties to the Ozarks and is simply known as the “Rally Bass”. The Rally Bass was first seen floppin’ his way from […]
Mother Nature Gives Cardinals Out
Springfield, MO—The St. Louis Cardinals canceled their exhibition game against Double-A Springfield set for Tuesday night at Hammons Field, citing an ominous possible defeat at the hands of the underling team. Tuesday’s match was set for 7:07 p.m. and officials expected to draw a sold-out crowd of more than 9,000 before the “big” Cards […]
Missouri Highway To Be Renamed After Other Famous Liar
Jefferson City, MO—Mark McGwire highway could be renamed after another famous Missourian who told tall tales and spun a web of lies to achieve fame and fortune; Mark Twain. “Why do we always got to name a highway after someone who isn’t exactly telling the truth?” pondered one Springfield native as he placed a brown […]
Louie the Mascot Ponders Relationship Status
Springfield, MO—Moments after the bride and groom exchanged vows on the diamond at Hammons Field Saturday, Louie the mascot began contemplating his own relationship status. Having been on the road now for 5 years, Louie has shown signs that settling down may be in his future. “I remember when we, ‘big’ Cards, came to town […]
