All Entries Tagged With: "Springfield Missouri"
Tindle Mills Demolition Smells Familiar
Springfield, MO—A local dog food factory’s destruction is releasing a nasty fragrance not experienced since the operation was producing smelly dog food. Tindle Mills was known regionally for emitting a foul sulfur odor while in production, a smell now revived by the buildings’ demise. “Once we started tearing down that tower it released a gaseous […]
Bottle Rocket War in Nixa This Year!
Nixa, MO—Monday night, the Nixa Board of Alderman unanimously voted for an awesome bottle rocket war in their city. Venders are allowed to continue to sell the small sky rockets guided by the mouth of a bottle. Usually considered a unique hazard, due to their ability to fly in many different directions other than vertically, […]
Diners Scramble at Scramblers
Springfield, MO—Scramblers diners were sent scrambling after a rogue driver plowed a gas meter and electrical box. The diners were hustled out of the establishment as a precautionary measure by a manager who shouted “Scramble! Scramble! Get Out!” Scramblers at West Chestnut Expressway was packed at the time and several Customers weren’t immediately sure what […]
April Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys.
New Signs Promote New Sign Locations
Springfield, MO—City officials hope that new signs located around town will better inform citizens on the best place to find new signs. Originally meant to point tourists to locations such as Bass Pro Shops, Battlefield Mall and Commercial Street, the new wayfarer signs will instead point to new sign locations. “We were so proud of […]
Officials Claim Heer’s Building “Too Big To Fail”
Springfield, MO – In what might be viewed as a controversial move by local citizens, Springfield City Council has determined that the Heer‘s building is “too big to fail” and plans to inject cash into the project immediately and for the foreseeable future. “What many so-called “common people” don’t seem to get is just how […]
Bounty Hunter Finds Value At Sam’s Club
UPDATE: FINDING NO BARGAINS AT SAMS, DOG MOVES ON TO PATROL AREA BORDERS STORES. Springfield, MO— Duane “Dog” Chapman will be at the Sam’s Club on East Sunshine Blvd today hunting down bargains and bringing sale prices to justice. “Dog” gained fame at his job as a bounty hunter, at Da Kine Bail Bonds in […]
NCAA Bracket Still Good For Something
Springfield, MO—According to reports, 9 out of 10 Ozarkers have a NCAA men’s basketball bracket that was rendered totally useless over the past weekend. Before scrapping the physical evidence of personal guessing stupidity, consider alternate uses for the “page of shame”. Locals have begun to ban together to add their brackets to the recycling center. […]
Office Worker Bets Future on NCAA Tourney
Springfield, MO—Stuck in a low income, dead-end job, Joan Embers has placed her children’s future on the results of the NCAA Men’s Tournament this week. Placing “$25,000 on a whim is stupid, but placing it on a sure winner is pure genius,” said Embers. According to Embers, she employed a sophisticated style of selection process […]
City Dyes South Avenue Green
Springfield, MO—City officials announced they plan to dye South Avenue kelly green in observance of St. Patrick’s Day. Citing the lack of a central river bisecting the city, the government has decided to go with the next best option: a prominent downtown street. Mayor Jim O’Neal said, “Given my last name has an ‘O’ and […]
McGregor Students Find Where The Sidewalk Ends
Springfield, MO—Local students found that there is a place where the sidewalk ends, before the street begins and near where the grass grows soft and white, where a huge truck must have traversed the walk where they were consumed in plain sight. One McGregor student victim said, “Let us leave this place where the concrete […]
Local Video Store takes on Netflix, Redbox
Springfield, MO – A local movie rental company believes their business model is sound. It just needed some tweaking to compete with Netflix and Redbox in the Southwest Missouri market. “People love shopping at video rental stores,” said local Movie Holla’ Manager Dewey Dom. “The drive to the store, the smell of it, arguing with […]
Google’s Fiber Could Make Springfield Go 100x Faster
Springfield, MO—Local government officials have unanimously approved a resolution to support the city’s participation in the Google Fiber Communities project to increase “download regularity”. “Chronic web constipation is a problem I face everyday. Getting stopped up while downloading a movie is something I just can’t stomach,” said Joey Saddle, sophomore at Missouri State University. According […]
Developer to De-Booger Hickory Hills for Retail Space
Springfield, MO—A buyer has purchased the former Hickory Hills School and plans to turn it into retail space after a strong de-boogering effort cleans the building. Built in 1951, the structure at 3429 E. Chestnut Expressway has been exposed to nostril snot hiding for nearly sixty years. “You never know where a wad of slimy […]
Springfield’s Lil’ Tombstone Recognized
Springfield, MO—The business district north of Glenstone and Sunshine, unofficially known as Lil’ Tombstone, has officially been awarded the “Best Themed Business Zone” for 2010. Lil’ Tombstone businesses include Coyote’s Adobe Café, Ben’s Carriage House, Midnight Cowboy, Herradura Mexican Restaurant and The Pony Club. Lil’ Tombstone offers Springfieldians the opportunity to hitch their horse at […]
