All Entries Tagged With: "Springfield Missouri"
The Great Woody Justice Caper Attracts Muppets
Springfield, MO—A $10,000 Diamond ring has been hidden somewhere in town, prompting hordes of Muppets to descended upon the city to find the jewels and clear Mrs. Piggy’s name in the process. When reached for comment a manager at Justice Jewelers said they had no idea such a large number of animated puppets would take […]
G-Team Van Spotted in Springfield
Springfield, MO—Protecting the innocent and shielding others from danger is the job of the G-Team. Fashioned after the original cast of military misfits that formed the A-Team—made popular by the 80’s television action show—the G-Team provides protection for Springfieldians but removed a few times from the original soldiers of fortune. “They’re the G-Team because they’re […]
Prehistoric Monument Found at Interchange
Springfield, MO— A prehistoric monument was uncovered in southern Greene County today at the U.S. 65-U.S. 60 interchange and dubbed “Springhenge”. The iconic stone monument is composed of earthworks lined in a setting of large standing stones and sits at the centre of the densest complex of Ozarkian and Springfieldian forests in Missouri, including several […]
Art Walk Preferred Over Science Stroll
Springfield, MO—Early reports indicate that when given the choice, Springfieldians would rather attend the monthly Art Walk versus the Science Stroll. Both events occur on the first Friday of the month in separate locations in downtown Springfield. The First Friday Art Walk takes place in multiple galleries situated near the heart of downtown. The Science […]
“Speed Hump” Signs Around the Block
Springfield, MO—City officials are standing firm behind their decision to post a sign stating “Speed Hump” on St. Louis Street, west of downtown indicating a bump used to reduce vehicle speed. Opponents have suggested that the sign promotes promiscuity at high velocity and state the original authors are out of touch with modern conversation. Proponents […]
Economy Gives the “Q” New Events
Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in […]
Original Spring Field Lost, Not Located
Springfield, MO—The spring that fed the field that Springfield was named after hasn’t been seen in several decades. In fact, most area town names now only have a vague symbolic relationship to the geographic area that once featured prominent landmarks. Springfield History Museum Executive Director said, “there’s no ‘spring’ or ‘field’ in Springfield much like […]
Bailiff Busted: Removes Self From Courtroom
Bentonville, AR—Three-and-a-half months since her first arrest, a county bailiff was taken into custody again on Sunday effectively removing her from her former position within the court system. Reportedly, 35-year-old Roz Russell was driving recklessly at around 3:00 a.m. She was pulled over a by a deputy and then refused to submit to an intoxication […]
Ozarks Emperor Very Much Pleased with His Fair
Springfield, MO- Grand Emperor of the Ozarks, Jo Bob Billius, was very much pleased with the glorious fair placed in his honor. Jo Bob traveled down from his majestic mountain fortress of Moon-Shan’gri-La and was greeted by his numerous subjects. Riding a “mule” (a mythical and wondrous beast combining a donkey and a horse) the […]
Giant Hanging “L” Seen Over Skies
Springfield, MO—Residents were panicked to see a giant floating letter in the sky this past weekend. A large capital “L” was reportedly seen with occasionally triangle shaped unidentified objects. “I saw the UFOs coming over the sky and I was just certain that aliens were coming back to claim their planet Earth they abandoned 5000 […]
Rollergirl’s Splash N’ Bash Fundraiser Turns Violent, Which is Cool
Springfield, MO—This coming weekend Springfield Rollergirls will host the annual Splash N’ Bash event on Saturday Aug 15th at 7pm. The Splash N’ Bash is a fundraising event where local automobile drivers can donate money and have their car washed by real Rollergirls. Drivers can also donate money and have a Rollergirl beat them into […]
Massive Layoffs Exhaust Local Agency Execs
Springfield, MO—After a long day of layoffs, local advertising agency executives find that relaxing with a nice bottle of 1870 Blandy’s Verdelho Solera Madeira is the best way to relieve the stress of swinging the pink slip ax. “I had to cry for, like, all day,” said one executive. “Fortunately, this really expensive wine I’m […]
Sam’s Club Fans Camp Out Before Opening
Springfield, MO—Opening weekend for the latest “Sam’s Club” sequel has become the Ozarks’ biggest ever grocery box office smash by earning $79 million, a publicist for the grocery chain said today. Nearly two weeks before the opening of the membership-only retail warehouse clubs, campers armed with tents, couches and video games turned the pavement at […]
Residents Urged Not to Handle Fire, etc.
Strafford, MO—Health officials are warning people not to handle fire, broken glass, hazardous material, dirty needles, poison or unknown chemicals after “pretty dancing lights” burned two Strafford area residents when they tried to grasp the illumination, otherwise known as “flames from a fire” last week. The Springfield-Greene County Health Department would like to remind area […]
Casualties Mounting at Local Sam’s Club
Springfield, MO- What many expect to be a pleasant Saturday morning shopping adventure at Springfield’s Sam’s Club has turned into a violent power struggle. As of July 16, 2009, over 20 people have been taken to area hospitals as a result of shopping car incidents at Sam’s Club. “I see them (Sam’s Club) lowering prices […]
