All Entries Tagged With: "sports"
MSU Joins Big 12, Bolts for Pac-10
Springfield, MO—The changing landscape of college football has spawned another leap of leagues here in Southwest Missouri. On Friday, Missouri State University announced plans to withdraw from The Gateway Conference to accept a bid into the Big 12 conference. Officials announced the change to the Big 12 during a press conference then immediately followed up […]
Tournament of Champions Produces 7 Losers
Springfield, MO—Moral victories will be handed out this weekend at The Tournament of Champions as eight elite basketball teams battle it out to produce seven eventual short comers and one true champion. TOC execs confessed that “Tournament of Champions” tends to have a more positive spin and sells more tickets than the more accurate named […]
Ice Cycle-Slyde Opens After Snowfall
Springfield, MO—Snowy weather provided the catalyst for a Ice Cycle-Slyde, a new booming business located at the former Hydra Slyde site. Several teenagers attended the grand opening with their inner tubes, plastic sleds, steel runner mini toboggans and snow boards. “A dude named Chip was taking a $5 entry fee; I don’t think he really […]
Local Tough Guy Holiday Poll
Springfield, MO – Well known watering hole-brawler Frank Esposito was reported polling people in The 13th Step Tavern on Christmas Eve, wondering if anyone, indeed, thought they were better than him. The whole incident began over a misunderstanding earlier in the evening. It turns out that Mr. Esposito had a “regular” bar stool at The […]
Swing Right Golf Adds Water Hazard
Springfield, MO—Local driving range and miniature golf course business, Swing Right Golf, added a new water hazard last week. Water hazards, like bunkers, are natural obstacles designed to add both beauty and difficulty to a golf course. Swing Right Golf owners reportedly wanted to increase the profile of the practice course by situating a natural […]
One Man Rush to Purchase Rams
St. Louis, MO—Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says he is teaming up with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. If purchased, it is widely assumed that Limbaugh will institute a Gang of Eight football management style to leverage his experience of on-air offensive lines, piling […]
Idiot Drivers Sport NASCAR Stickers
Springfield, MO—According to recent driving patterns, Ozarks drivers are seemingly permitted to drive like lunatics once they have prominently placed on their vehicle one of many NASCAR stickers featuring their favorite driver. Area drivers should heed the NASCAR sticker as a warning when traveling public thoroughfares. “I could see a vehicle approaching me at a […]
Rollergirl’s Splash N’ Bash Fundraiser Turns Violent, Which is Cool
Springfield, MO—This coming weekend Springfield Rollergirls will host the annual Splash N’ Bash event on Saturday Aug 15th at 7pm. The Splash N’ Bash is a fundraising event where local automobile drivers can donate money and have their car washed by real Rollergirls. Drivers can also donate money and have a Rollergirl beat them into […]
Bass Pro Shops Enlists Uncle Buck and Calendar Girls as Driver and Crew
Springfield, MO—In a deal announced last week, Martin Truex Jr.’s move to the Michael Waltrip Racing team means the NASCAR driver is donning Napa Auto Parts’ name instead of Bass Pro Shops. BPS has announced that they will employ longtime brand ambassador Uncle Buck to race and his team of aging calendar girls to work […]
Louie the Mascot Ponders Relationship Status
Springfield, MO—Moments after the bride and groom exchanged vows on the diamond at Hammons Field Saturday, Louie the mascot began contemplating his own relationship status. Having been on the road now for 5 years, Louie has shown signs that settling down may be in his future. “I remember when we, ‘big’ Cards, came to town […]
Showboat Branson Belle Held Ransom By Pirates
Branson, MO—Pirates seized the Showboat Branson Belle on Monday evening. The bold hijacking has heightened fears about the surging piracy and low-seas terrorism on Table Rock Lake. Captain Shad Owing the IV was tossed off the back of the ship onto the paddlewheel when the vessel left the pier under pirate control. “How could they […]
Tyler Hansbrough to lead new NBA team in SEMO
Favorite son returns to hometown with new professional team P.B. Jays. Poplar Bluff, MO – Tyler Hansbrough plans to found a new NBA team after completing his tenure with the University of North Carolina. The Tar Heels power forward says, “the people of Poplar Bluff deserve professional basketball, and I plan to bring it to […]
