All Entries Tagged With: "Politics"
Post-debate, Obama staffers reveal Seinfeld strategy
Springfield, MO – One week after the final presidential debate in Boca Raton, Florida, speculation has surfaced that the Obama team used some unorthodox tactics while preparing the president for his most recent public appearances. “The rumors are true,” one anonymous source said. “During Monday’s debate, the President was eager to engage in what […]
Some Republicans Actually Still have Todd Akin Signs in Their Yards
SPRINGFIELD, MO – Republicans and Democrats alike are shocked to find that even after so many controversial comments from Republican senate candidate Todd ‘Legitimate Rape’ Akin, some Republicans still, for some reason, have signs supporting him in their front yards. “It’s mind-blowing. Just that anyone could support him after what he’s said is crazy,” said […]
Akin Campaign Rebrands Itself with New “Re-Todd” Slogan
Jefferson City, MO – In a bid to resurrect his image to Missouri voters and distance himself from past statements, Rep. Todd Akin’s U.S. Senate campaign has rebranded themselves with a new slogan. The campaign team thought it was important to give voters a fresh impression of the man that Republicans see as key to […]
Political Storm Alert – Santorum and Paul Warning in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – The National Political Service in Springfield has issued a Republican Presidential Candidate warning for Greene County in southwest Missouri until 9pm CST Saturday night. At 5:12 pm trained politician spotters reported several Republican candidates were seen moving towards the Missouri Ozarks. Listen here: Political Storm Warning A political barrage of television advertisements […]
Summer Romance Ends At Summer Reunion
Springfield, MO- A budding romance between Amy Boone and Kurt Brower ended yesterday when they both discovered that they are blood relatives. The awkward situation arouse when they decided to “party hop” noticing both their family reunions happened at the same park, at the same day, at the same time. “At first I was […]
7th District Hopefuls Have No Vote
Springfield MO—The voting records for all three candidates running for the 7th congressional house seat appears to be rare or non-existent. Each candidate has admitted for whatever reason, that they could not get out of bed and go vote on Election Day. Democrat Scott Eckersley has only voted twice in the past eight years. “Frankly, […]
Billy Long Cardboard Cutout Agrees to Debate
Springfield MO - After weeks of negotiations between the seventh congressional candidates, Billy Long has agreed to a question and answer session between himself and his democratic opponent Scott Eckersly. The date for the event is scheduled for November 1st, one day before the election. According to the terms of the debate, sources have indicated […]
Billy Long Gets Well Fed, Fed Up
Springfield, MO—Missouri’s 7th Congressional District hopeful Billy Long ate another meal and possibly made new political friends at the same time. According to Billy it went like this. “I was on a doughnut run for my staff when I came upon this group called the Well Fed Neighborhood Alliance. I thought it was an offshoot of […]
Being Right…All The Time!
Mike McMichealson Motivational Columnist/Speaker You know how sometimes you can’t get people to do what you want them to do. I tell people what to do for a living so hear me when I say….don’t take no for an answer. Motivation is ultimately born out of a willingness and eagerness to be a raging know-it-all […]
Catanese Cast in “POLITICO”
Springfield, MO—Local KY3 political reporter David Catanese has been drafted by the POLITICO machine and will be serving a new function in the organization in January 2010. For the past 5 years Catanese has reported informative political news in a timely fashion to the Ozarks, however, nothing could have prepared him for his new assignment: […]
Dickerson Park Will “Totally Get On Finding That Missing Panther “
In a press conference yesterday Dickerson Park Zoo official Charles Ranstad told local law enforcement officers and several members of the press that they will “Totally get on finding that missing panther,” the Zoo official then added “Geez. Get off our back.” The panther, a 250 pound killing machine, went missing last week and is […]
Protester Embarrassed At Tea Party
Springfield—Louie Higgs attended a political rally on Tuesday dressed as Mr. T, horribly mistaking the intent of the gathering. Higgs came decked with several gold chains, a fresh mo-hawk, gold rings and a sign that read “I pity the fool who don’t love the USA”. Immediately upon arrival he felt that something was amiss. Higgs […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
