All Entries Tagged With: "People"
Strafford Schools Adopt Chupacabra as School Mascot
Strafford, MO – After the recent capture of the mythical creature and cryptozoological wonder, the Chupacabra, Strafford school district has decided to adopt the creature as their newest mascot. “Known as the donkey-sucker, we thought it would be the perfect intimidation factor when we play our opponents on the athletic field or on the […]
Local Boyfriend’s Weekend Revolves Around Vampires
Springfield, MO- Tom Ragsdale’s, a local boyfriend to Jessica Swanson, entire weekend will be dedicated to the undead thanks to his girlfriend’s love affair with the blood drinkers. “Oh my gosh I am so excited. We are going to see Eclipse on Friday! We are even wearing matching T-Shirts,” exclaimed Jessica to her girlfriend over […]
McGregor Students Find Where The Sidewalk Ends
Springfield, MO—Local students found that there is a place where the sidewalk ends, before the street begins and near where the grass grows soft and white, where a huge truck must have traversed the walk where they were consumed in plain sight. One McGregor student victim said, “Let us leave this place where the concrete […]
Highland Springs Sponsors ‘Take Your Daughter Aged Wife to Work Day’
Springfield, MO—In an effort to inspire and educate the next generation of Springfieldians, Highland Springs Country Club is sponsoring a community-wide ‘Take Your Daughter Aged Wife to Work Day” on Thursday, February 25th. “We couldn’t be more excited about this upcoming day,” explains Highland Springs President Roger “Red” Anderson. “This will be a real opportunity […]
MLK Celebrated with 24-Hour Sale!
Springfield, MO—January 18th marks a day of social awareness, great sacrifice and fantastic deals now through closing at local retail stores. On this day people of all ages and backgrounds will come together to improve lives by spending less on goods they likely don’t need but would purchase at full retail prices any other time […]
Vampire Underground Holds Open House
Springfield, MO—The Ozarks very own Vampire Underground will be holding an open house this Halloween week welcoming community members, vampire queens and other “humans” who might need an “awakening”. The meeting will be held at Hell’s Church in Springfield’s subterranean Jordan Creek Tunnel that runs under downtown. Vampire Underground members David, Paul, Marko, and Dwayne […]
MO D.O.C. Reports Positive Economic Numbers
Jefferson City, MO—Missouri‘s Department of Corrections has announced that the state’s prison population has reached an all-time high amid poor economic conditions. This is the first report from a government agency regarding positive growth since mid-2007. The Department director attributes the fantastic growth numbers to an increase in criminal activity, due to soul-crushing economic pressures. […]
