All Entries Tagged With: "Onion"
Brat Hut Looks to Add Shaking Bratwurst to Shack Top
Springfield, MO – Local brat-shop Bratwurst Hutte plans to add an enormous shaking traffic stopper to their location on East Battlefield road soon. Several options include a very large sausage, a gyrating bratwurst or several big hot dogs bundled together to draw attention from drivers traversing Battlefield road. According to Pineapple Whip employee Kale McFritters, […]
Assessors Office to Accept Different Forms of Payment
Springfield MO – With the public outrage over the increase of personal property taxes, the Greene County Assessors office has come up with a plan to help people make the payments. Assessor Ric Kissington announced that the county will take as payment either gold or ground beef. “Seeing how property goes up and down […]
Rapture Believers Looking for Jobs
Springfield, MO—Scores of people who believed the Rapture was coming last Saturday are desperately looking for a way to continue their old boring lives. Dozens of people in the Ozarks quit their jobs, spent their savings and were planning to rise up in the sky as of 6pm May 21st. When the earthquakes didn’t […]
Ghetto Ziplock® Brand Baggies Introduced
Springfield, MO—Locally based Jordan Valley Innovation Center has introduced a new product to the marketplace: Ziplock® branded ghetto baggies. The new sealable, portable storage devices are decorated with colorful graphics and have an urban look and feel for users who prefer to carry their perishables with more street cred. Innovation scientist Herby Jamison said, “No, […]
Man Rides Hog for Bike to Work Week
Springfield, MO—Local Harley enthusiast Lloyd “Mangus” Hamiltons was especially excited to learn that May 16-20 was Bike to Work week in Springfield, his newly acquired hog was “due for a good commuting test”. Mangus, a local botanist at Mark Twain National Forrest, said, “I was totally afraid that the carbon emissions that my hog emitted […]
2012 Cox Sucker Days Announced
Nixa, MO—The Nixa Sucker Days committee is proud to announce it has a new title sponsor this year, Cox Health. The event, now known as Cox Sucker Days, will be held in Nixa as scheduled this year, with a few changes. Ted Crass, chairman of the event said, “We’re proud to welcome Cox Health […]
May Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. This kamagra jelly online saves a lot of time and return lost sexual confidence. buy levitra Make sure that you help your partner for understanding causes of impotence, which includes medical history, health issues, and even prescription […]
Alco-Haul Longs for Prohibition
Springfield, MO—Management of local beer and wine delivery service, Alco-Haul, recently stated that they wished that Prohibition would be reenacted to bring more excitement to their job. The team argues that if alcohol were outlawed, delivery of products would be much more fun as they would have to shake the fuzz while making the […]
Cinco de Mayonnaise Celebrated in Ozark
Ozark, MO—Phillip Hershaw and Chad Netmeg celebrated Cinco de Mayonnaise on the fifth of May this year as a tribute to the heritage of French culinary arts, which unbeknownst to them, flies directly in the face of Cinco de Mayo, a celebration that commemorates the Mexican army’s unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle […]
Osama Sushi Roll Unveiled in Ozarks
Springfield, MO—Local sushi hotspot Komodo Dragon has unveiled it’s latest creation: the roll they are calling the “NoMoOsama Roll”. Made up of roasted goat, a dash of crude oil and just a hint of spent ammunition, the NoMoOsama is a hit with local patrons who wish to celebrate the demise of Public Enemy Numero […]
Nixa Hellhound Releases Birth Certificate
Nixa, MO—After years of speculation and conspiracy, Paul the Nixa Hellhound, released his original long-form birth certificate yesterday in an attempt to prove that he exists. No known persons had asked for the paperwork, yet it appeared online early in the day. “Paul wants the record to be set straight regarding his existence. He […]
Springfield Survives 42-Minute Drought
Springfield, MO—The clouds finally opened with their life bringing rain, thus ending the torturous 42 minute drought plaguing the Springfield area. The drought occurred from 3:18 to 4:00, marking the longest time Springfield has not seen rain in weeks. “I didn’t think we were going to make it,” said Charles Flagstaff, a Springfield resident. After […]
AREA MAN DISCOVERS “CASHEW CHICKEN” IS JUST FRIED CHICKEN IN OYSTER GRAVY
Springfield, MO – “I’m just beside myself” declares area high school football coach Grant Llewellyn. “I grew up here in Springfield and I’ve always been led to believe that cashew chicken is a rare and incredibly exotic dish that one could only have prepared by highly trained and secretive master chefs of The Ozarks. This […]
