All Entries Tagged With: "obama"
President Obama Weighs in on Kewpies Mascot Name
Columbia, MO – President Barack Obama says he would “think about changing” the Hickman Kewpies’ mascot name if he went to school there as he waded into the controversy involving a word many consider offensive to naked babies everywhere. Obama, in an interview with The Associated Press, said school names such as the Kewpies offend […]
Michelle to Record ‘Lady Obama’ on SGF Visit
Springfield, MO – First Lady Michelle Obama will take time today to record her healthy version of a Beatles song, “Lady Obama” at famed Springfield recording house, The Studio. She will sing back up on the track and play the Hammond organ. Special leaked lyrics were provided and will be sung by lead vocalist Kristi […]
Post-debate, Obama staffers reveal Seinfeld strategy
Springfield, MO – One week after the final presidential debate in Boca Raton, Florida, speculation has surfaced that the Obama team used some unorthodox tactics while preparing the president for his most recent public appearances. “The rumors are true,” one anonymous source said. “During Monday’s debate, the President was eager to engage in what […]
Big Bird Migrates to Branson Theater
Branson, MO – Upon Mitt Romney’s announcement that he’ll fire Big Bird, offers to the beloved Sesame Street icon have been pouring in. FCN has learned exclusively that Mr. Bird has been offered a show in Branson. Mr. Bird commented in an exclusive interview, “I’m in negotiations to take over at Yakov’s theater next year […]
Romney Wants to Cut Funding to Tom Trtan’s Mustache
Springfield, MO - Wednesday night was the first of a set of three presidential debates between former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama. Pundits on both sides agree that Romney was the clear winner. Romney appeared more prepared, more energetic, and with a better grasp of the issues. To many, however, it was one […]
Nobody To Vote For…Bummer
I proclaim that none of the top candidates running for the GOP nomination are electable. Mitt Romney, while currently leading the pack, seems to say all the wrong things at all the wrong times and his condescending demeanor at the debates makes me want to give this guy the kind of wedgie you don’t recover […]
Tanning Tax Talk Tightens, Wrinkles
Springfield, MO—A looming tax may be applied to tanning salons to foot the bill for healthcare reform. Local owners are preparing for the worst by increasing tanning bed fees by 10% to cover the proposed tax, which could take effect this summer. “I used to think that going to tan was boring, but now that […]
