All Entries Tagged With: "New York"
New Coach line makes debut at Battlefield Mall
Springfield, MO – The premier leather bag retailer from New York, Coach Inc., is planning on market testing a new product line at their Battlefield Mall location. Lewis Frankfort, Coach’s CEO, made the announcement in a press release last Monday when revealing the company’s new line: The Coach Bag. “Coach has been commonly confused with […]
No Pants Elevator Ride at Hammons Tower Today
Springfield, MO – The annual “no-pants elevator” event at Hammons Tower is scheduled to take place today to align with the NYC No Pants Subway ride coordinated by Improv Everywhere. The Ozarks do not have a subway system so the elevator ride up to the top of a large building is the best big city […]
Local Couple Gets Married in Order to Have Sex
Springfield (MO) – Jordan Darrow and Cassidy Nash (now Darrow) were married last Saturday in a beautiful ceremony, in Springfield, MO. When asked how the couple knew it was time to “tie the knot,” Darrow (age 20) and his new bride (age 19) agreed: it was time that they finally had sex with each […]
Long’s Pedicurist Leaks Reelection Slogan
Springfield, MO—In the wake of the November 2 election, Billy Long’s camp has wasted no time in putting together a plan for his reelection campaign. According to a woman who identifies herself as Long’s pedicurist, Long will abandon his extremely popular “Fed Up?” slogan in 2012. The pedicurist, who would like to remain nameless, claims […]
McDonald’s Customers Jailed Thanks to Monopoly Game
Springfield, MO – Phillip and Mandy Saunders of Springfield were jailed after getting a “Go Straight to Jail” game piece while playing McDonald’s Monopoly game on Tuesday. The couple was escorted to the Greene County Jail by two pointing, uniformed officers with whistles. The couple has the options of paying 50 dollars or rolling doubles. […]
Branson Landing “Boom Sale” Promotion Backfires
Branson, MO—Yesterday, several Branson Landing vendors were dealt a cruel hand as they launched their newly themed “Boom Sale” to gain additional sales during the tourist off-season. “If we’d known that there was going to be some douche bag placing bombs near ATMs we would have never proceeded with the promotion,” said Branson Landing management, […]
Duracell Charges to Pension Rescue
Springfield, MO— Battery company Duracell calls Springfield one of the cities most likely to experience power outages in the nation. The company promises to provide battery power to Springfield and four other cities during a promotional campaign. From the press release, “With an average of 27 severe-threshold thunderstorms annually, Springfield has one of the highest […]
