All Entries Tagged With: "music"
Mike the Intern
May is here. Finals are coming up, the kids are getting ready to get out of school and you are wondering why in the hell you don’t get a summer vacation like everyone else. Well you might not get a vaca but I can help you start one hell of a summer soundtrack. Bryan Adams […]
Michelle to Record ‘Lady Obama’ on SGF Visit
Springfield, MO – First Lady Michelle Obama will take time today to record her healthy version of a Beatles song, “Lady Obama” at famed Springfield recording house, The Studio. She will sing back up on the track and play the Hammond organ. Special leaked lyrics were provided and will be sung by lead vocalist Kristi […]
Devil Offers Golden Fiddle to Firehouse Fiddle Contestant
Springfield, MO – Last Saturday, fiddle players from as far away as Idaho, Oklahoma and Texas arrived at the Firefighters Union Hall to participate in the locally supported Firehouse Fiddle Contest. According to sources, one player was approached by a shadowy figure near the end of the day. “This shadowy looking dude jumped up on […]
MSU Band Apologizes for Playing MMMBop
Springfield, MO – MSU Pride Band issued an apology stating that they used poor judgment when they played “MMMBop” downtown on the square this month. “MMMBop” is a song written and performed by the American pop rock band Hanson and is quite offensive to anyone who has ever listened to music. “Frankly, I’d rather hear […]
Big Smith Splits; Announces Reunion Tour
Springfield, MO – After nearly 15 years of touring, recording and performing the most original sound to come out of the Ozarks, local group Big Smith has announced that they are unplugging their 12” 3-speed oscillating band. Reunion tour details are forthcoming, however it will be known as “Bigger Smith”. Professor of Musicology, Rand Jonserson […]
Indie Film/News/Music Channel Hits Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Former television station KSFX becomes KOZL Ozarks Local today, and will serve as the Ozarks first indie, or independent, outlet for information in our area. The new station will pride itself by showcasing local independent bands, motion pictures and will feature 24 hours of news not mandated by the “fox”, er “man”. […]
Michael Buble Impregnates 80% of Women at JQH Arena
Springfield, MO—The soothing tones of crooner Michael Buble effectively impregnated a majority of the female audience during his performance at the Q this week. During the concert one female attendee was overheard screaming “Oh yes, yes, yes! His voice is throbbing inside of me!” before passing out on the concert floor from exhaustion. “Bubble-head […]
Salvation Army Revokes “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” Bell Ringer Policy
Springfield, MO—Officials at the local Salvation Army post have revoked their bell ringer’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, opening the door to welcome more volunteers into the organization to help with fundraising this holiday season. Professor Kitty Ujumba said, “before now the Salvos couldn’t ask specific questions about a potential bell ringers abilities. The original […]
Good Song Blamed for Speeding
Springfield, MO—On Tuesday, Jimmy Galtert of Republic, gave what he considered a reasonable explanation to his excessive speed heading west on Sunshine street: a really good song came on the radio. “So there I was in my 2003 Ford Focus when Guns and Roses’ Paradise City began to play on the radio. I immediately hit […]
Tramp Stamp Radio Station Bangs the Hits
Springfield, MO—Local radio station, 104.7 The Cave has rebranded themselves as the “Tramp Stamp” radio station. Billboard across the Ozarks invite listeners to tune in to hear rock bands inked right above lovely ladies’ backsides. Common lore indicates that the bigger the tramp stamp, the bigger the classic rock band (and an increased correlation of […]
KY3 Horn Player Quits
Springfield—KYTV’s horn player has decided to quit the show. Harry Pally, who played the main theme song music for local TV station KY3 for decades has quit citing lack of recognition and a bad case of “terrible boredom”. “Every morning show, every noon, every evening, each news break, day after day after day. It starts […]
Bluegrass Feud Claims Another Victim
Missouri and Kentucky bluegrass performers clash, leading to more violence. Bolivar—Around 8 pm yesterday unknown assailants drove pick-up trucks past Hank “Flash-Fingers” Wallace’s cabin and pelted it, and him, with dead opossums. Hank, known as “Flash-Fingers” due to his fast banjo picking digits, was a notable player in Missouri-style bluegrass—he was a perfect target. He […]
Kamikaze vehicles destroying remains of economy
One store at a time, vehicles avenge poor auto sales. Springfield—For the past three months, Springfield businesses have been singled out and attacked by merciless and meticulously planned automobile strikes. One local retail storefront per month has been crushed by high-speed attack. “Ramming storefronts is just wrong. I mean, we have complaint boxes for suggestions […]
