All Entries Tagged With: "Mobile phone"
More Time to Text & Driving During Bad Weather
Springfield, MO – Drivers experienced more time to text and drive on Tuesday as a slight dusting of snow snarled traffic to a standstill on most major thoroughfares. Barely 1/8” of God’s powder covered city streets signaling the all-clear for creeping vehicle speeds, over-cautious braking and snail’s pace right-hand turns. “Effing shoot me in the […]
Movie House Allows Smoking, Drinking & Texting
Outside City Limits – According to sources, the recent mobile phone ban at Campbell 16 Cine has convinced a local entrepreneur to begin construction on the Vice Theater, a movie house that will allow customers to do as they please while watching their favorite flicks. The Vice will serve beer and wine, have a […]
Commuter Drives Speed Limit
Springfield, MO—Local commuter Keith Jonas was seen making a statement to the Springfield community at large. And that statement was “I’m driving the speed limit”. Many interpreted that statement to be the equivalent of a giant middle finger, since it is an unwritten law that you are expected to be going 10-35 mph over the […]
Corbett Lawfirm Responsible for Pencil Property Damage
Springfield, MO— The phrase “Ah sir, they’ve hired Corbett Lawfirm” has been responsible for pencil breaks across the Ozarks. Initially thought to indicate that the case will be a snap to win against Corbett Lawfirm, sources close to the firm maintain that anger, fear, frustration and uncertainty are the human emotions tapped by the magical […]
Duracell Charges to Pension Rescue
Springfield, MO— Battery company Duracell calls Springfield one of the cities most likely to experience power outages in the nation. The company promises to provide battery power to Springfield and four other cities during a promotional campaign. From the press release, “With an average of 27 severe-threshold thunderstorms annually, Springfield has one of the highest […]
New Teen Texting & Driving Ban Texted to Teens
Springfield, MO—Last Friday, Governor Jay Nixon sent 6,000 text messages to Springfield teens announcing the new ban in place barring teens from texting while driving. His message simply stated, “NEW BAN 4 TEENS HOO TEXT AN DRIV. DOAN BE DISTRACTD OR IMPAIRD WHILE OPERATIN UR VEHICLE. CALL ME LATR. GOV. NIXON.” State officials said the […]
