All Entries Tagged With: "missouri"
“Mom-Seat-Belt” Formed Across The Ozarks
Springfield, MO – In a touching show of motherly support, thousands of people aged 2 to 92 extended their right arm across the person’s chest to the right of them, thereby forming the largest mom-seat-belt chain in the world. The mom-seat-belt stretched nearly 19 miles and ran from downtown Springfield to the square in Ozark, […]
Springer-Style Fights On Price is Right in Branson
Branson, MO–The Welk Resort announced today that television host Jerry Springer will host “The Price is Right Live!” fights in Branson May 28 to June 8. Springer is the host of “The Jerry Springer Show,” which is in its 22nd season of showcasing spectacular Mommy-Daddy child custody fights. Springer previously hosted “The Price is Right […]
Neon Banking Sign Lights Up Lofts
Springfield, MO – Several downtown loft dwellers were upset following the opening of the Great Southern branch across the street from their building, its neon sign lighting up the night and shining checking offers through their bedroom windows. “At first I was disgusted by the sign, it was so annoying. I couldn’t sleep so I […]
High School Students Looking Forward To End of the Year Major Revelations/Complete Closure
Springfield, MO- High school students all over Springfield are looking forward to the end of school not only because of summer break being right around the corner, but the end of the year revelations and total closure each school year brings. “It is just like all the movies,” said high school junior Alex Randish. “All […]
Mike the Intern’s Take
Usually, I try to tie in some kind of theme for the month, but for May, I really didn’t want to make a list of songs that were about stupid flowers or anything like that so I decided to take another path. This month I am going to feature songs by bands that are talking […]
Tornado Waits Outside of City Limits
Springfield, MO – According to storm chasers, a mild tornado is circulating outside of city limits waiting the perfect time to dash across the area garnering every meteorologist’s undying attention. The tornado was first sighted 2 weeks ago crouched behind an abandoned barn near I-44. “I suspect the ‘nado is waiting for the weather to […]
Scooters…
Well…spring is approaching and you know what that means, people on scooters. While I am not an overly violent man, seeing a person on a scooter makes me very, very angry. Hearing the buzz from those ridiculously little engines triggers a fight or flight mechanism in me unlike anything I have ever experienced. These little […]
Desperate Teen Forced to Use Desktop Computer
Springfield, MO- Local Hillcreast High School junior, Zach Slater, faced a horrible crisis yesterday when he had no choice, but to utilize an ancient device known has a “desktop computer.” With his smart phone left at his girlfriend’s house, his tablet’s charger no where to be found, and his Playstation Vita being used by his […]
Hobos Purchase Heer’s at Auction to Create Heer’s Hobo House
Springfield, MO – The iconic Heer’s building was sold at auction this week on the court house steps to a large group of hobos who are intending to turn the property into a high-profile hobo camp: Heer’s Hobo House. “Hobos are increasing in popularity, the fantastic lore, their travels and stories of adventure will finally […]
Irresponsible Parents Flock to Parks Department’s Parents Night Out Program
Springfield, MO – The Parks Department has been flooded with request from irresponsible parents looking to drop their children off at the next event. Most inquires have consisted of calls from moms and dads who are seeking legal separation from their children that are imposing upon their lifestyles. “If you could…um…y’know take my kid for […]
Decay Billboard Sends Powerful Message
Springfield, MO – A natural force known only as “decay” has reserved space on a right side north bound view billboard on Kansas Expressway. The purpose: to send a message that rot, corrosion and deterioration are constantly engaging in a war against humanity and we should always be prepared for decay no matter how subtle […]
Tornado Update: “Definitely, Maybe”
Local forecasters in the Ozarks have taken up a new mantra for the wild and wacky weather system currently taking up residence over Southwest Missouri. “We’re upgrading the chances of severe weather to “Definitely, Maybe” over most of the listening area along with upgrading Dallas County to “Absolutely Possibly Likely” at this time” said local […]
Free Crowd Concussions Provided at Rugby Match
Springfield, MO – To commemorate the dedicated fans of Springfield Rugby Club, free concussions will be provided at this weekend’s last spring season game. After the match, players will make themselves available in a touch-and-feel scab booth where spectators can run their hands over scabbed knees, elbows and foreheads to better understand and appreciate the […]
Beard Fight Night!
Springfield, MO – The fourth annual Queen City Beard & Moustache Federation Competition will be held this Saturday and a new competitive event features dueling beards in cage fights to the shearing. The main event will pit two competitors against each other, beards outfitted with blades, clippers and shears in hand. First man to shave […]
