All Entries Tagged With: "Missouri State University"
Clif Smart to Twerk @ MSU Blackout
Springfield, MO – After crowd surfing at the newly renovated Plaster Stadium, Clif Smart has vowed to twerk during Saturday’s 6:00 pm Bears home opener vs. North Dakota if the new student section is packed out for Saturday night’s “Blackout”. Smart set the stage by crowd surfing earlier this week and claimed to raise the […]
Math Event Attended by “Lots” and “Many” Students
Springfield, MO – More than a lot of high school students participated in the math skills test hosted by Missouri State University this week. Too many to count put their calculating on display by participating in a little more than a dozen individual and team events. “I’d say many, many students participated. It was really […]
MSU To Springfield: Hey, We Do Stuff Too
Springfield, MO- Even though the Drury Panthers wowed the Ozarks with their nail biting victory over Metro State, Missouri State University is proclaiming to Springfield: “Hey, we did stuff on Sunday, too.” “Oh, so they run some championship, big deal,” says sophomore Larry Harshman. “I just played like 30 matches on Halo 3, but you […]
“Southwest” Missouri State–Airline Purchases Naming Rights to University
Springfield, MO –The arrival of Southwest Airlines to the Ozarks is bringing yet another change – naming rights to Missouri State University. The agreement was announced on Wednesday and many fans and critics were quick to passionately express their feelings regarding the University’s nomenclature. “I’m so excited about the global implications of the new airline […]
“Huge Asteroid No Threat to Earth” Laughs, Running and Screaming Astronomers
Springfield, MO – Local astronomers are claiming that the large asteroid flying in nearly the same orbit as Earth will make a close pass by the planet, but there’s no chance of an impact. Several astronomers at Baker Observatory, Ozarks Amateur Astronomers Club (OAAC) confirmed that claim while packing several cases of survival food packages […]
Apple Tent Opens at Target
Springfield, MO – Reports of an Apple Store coming to the Ozarks are being held under tarp and rope in the Target parking lot at Primrose & Glenstone. Local shoppers are excitedly anticipating the tent flaps to fly open and Macbook Airs to fly out at discounted prices. Jerry Donwhat said, “Man, I just know […]
MSU Band Apologizes for Playing MMMBop
Springfield, MO – MSU Pride Band issued an apology stating that they used poor judgment when they played “MMMBop” downtown on the square this month. “MMMBop” is a song written and performed by the American pop rock band Hanson and is quite offensive to anyone who has ever listened to music. “Frankly, I’d rather hear […]
“Cox” & “Swallow” Street Signs Vandalized Again
Springfield, MO – An unfortunate intersection bearing a lewd name has once again been vandalized, in fact the street signs at Cox and Swallow have routinely been stolen only to be proudly displayed in a mancave, garage or fraternity house. “Swallow Cox – get it?!” said Nick Jubery, a sophomore at Missouri State University, “You […]
DRURY BUYS MSU’S EXCESS WATER
Springfield MO.- Drury University announced today that it will purchase water from Missouri State University for 30 years at a price of 12 million dollars per year. Apparently MSU can afford to sell off its excess water since filtered water stations have sprung up all over campus. Water researchers have indicated that more of […]
Netflix Buys Major Video, Focuses on VHS Rentals
Springfield, MO – Attempting to please its Ozarks customer base, Netflix has announced the purchase of Major Video on Glenstone street to serve as a brick and mortar storefront allowing for casual VHS rentals. The news comes just days after Netflix identified sister company Qwikster as an awful idea spawned from the head of […]
MSU Roommate Relationship Reaches Boiling Point
Springfield, MO- Even though they have only been living together for just a few weeks, Larry Harshman and Kyle Founder’s relationship has reached a breaking point. The two MSU freshmen had high hopes for their living situations when coming into the fall semester. Bonding over such things as all-night Halo death matches, acting as […]
College Students Inconvenienced By Classes
Springfield, MO- With college classes starting this week, many college students dread the fast pace rat race of academia. Many of the students, being out school since May, know they will have trouble getting back to the flow of lectures, labs, and extracurricular activities. “I can’t believe we have to go back already,” states […]
Banned Book Becomes Top-Seller in Republic
REPUBLIC (MO) – Two books, “Slaughterhouse Five” by Kurt Vonnegut and “Twenty Boy Summer” by Sarah Ockler, have been banned from Republic High School’s curriculum and library. This decision was inspired by complaints from Missouri State University associate professor of management, Les Scoggins, who claims that the books contain material too shocking for […]
MSU’s SOAR Tour a Grim Death March Due To Heat
Springfield, MO- Due to the incredible heat, MSU’s SOAR tours are transformed into grim death marches. The tours (to show upcoming freshmen where various campus buildings are located) are usually a pleasurable experience to the anxious pre-fresh, but now are seen as a hellish decent into the bowels of an inferno. “I am so excited […]
Boyfriends Run In Terror As Tent Theatre Opens
Springfield, MO- All across Springfield many boyfriends are hiding in terror as MSU’s Tent Theatre prepares to premier their opening night. The boyfriends are in hiding because they know their girlfriends will mercilessly force them to see one of the three plays and would rather plunge themselves off a cliff than see garish musicals […]
