All Entries Tagged With: "lol"
Chariot Racing Approved in Ridgedale!
Springfield, MO – The proposed sale of land to be used for a loud, boisterous race-track has been denied and the purchase rights transferred to a group who is leading the charge to bring horse chariot racing to the Ozarks. The sale of the land near Ridgedale, owned by Russell Cook, was to be held […]
Sleep…
You get too much and you are groggy…you get too little and you are cranky. Sleeping seems like such a waste of time…most of us sleep 1/3 of our day away. Yet, we have this sort of love-hate relationship with sleep. Likely, we feel pretty good when we lay down and just a few hours […]
Easter Bunny To Earth’s Children: Stop Stealing my Eggs
Springfield, MO- In a press conference yesterday the Easter Bunny gave a desperate plea to the children of the earth: leave my eggs alone. During the conference he stated how every year he purposely hides his eggs so they can hatch and grow up to be healthy bunnies. “I know you might not know the […]
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Huge Freaking Cardinals Invade Springfield
Springfield, MO – Swarms of red-feathered beasts flocked into the Ozarks Monday evening, and collected at Hammons Field near downtown Springfield. “The big cards are here!” screamed Joey Huffington, an 8th grader who screeched his terrifying message while running hysterically from a nearby parking garage. According to sources, the large, flight-enabled monsters regularly appear around […]
Silver Dollar City’s World-Fest Block North Korea and Iran Events
Branson, Missouri- With World Fest just weeks away Silver Dollar City is getting ready for the huge festival celebrating multi-culturism. But, officials of the festival have some limits to embracing other cultures, especially when it comes to Iran and North Korea. “Don’t get us wrong, we want to welcome all cultures. But, there are some […]
Springfield – Branson Airport Picks Up Branson to Springfield Flight
Springfield, MO – In an effort to cross-promote tourism in the area, the Springfield – Branson Airport has announced a new flight from Branson to Springfield and back. The short flight is anticipated to increase spending in the Ozarks by hundreds of dollars. “We expect that the crosstown traffic generated is going to allow more […]
Confused Audiences Think “Hunger Games” is “Winter Bone” Sequel
Springfield, MO- Ozark audiences were wowed by the dystopian young adult novel turned movie “The Hunger Games”, but mostly because they thought it was a sequel to “Winter’s Bone” due to many factors. The confusion was caused because the actress starred in both movies and the setting of District 12 is exactly like Ozarks. “Whoa, […]
Canadian Students Go “South of Border” For Spring Break, End Up In Ozarks
Springfield, MO- Much like US college students go Mexico to celebrate drunken debauchery for their Spring Break, Canadian students go “south of the border” for their fun. Although many party-going Canadians go to wild and crazy cities such as Cincinnati, Ohio; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Des Moines, Iowa – many find themselves in the hedonistic hub […]
Man convinced Newt Gingrich is Phil Donahue in Fat Suit
Springfield, MO - Twenty nine-year-old Springfieldian Nat Alther, who is a die-hard Newt Gingrich fan, said he believed the man who has been running for President and calls himself Newt Gingrich is actually Phil Donahue in a fat suit. Mr. Alther discovered this while pretending to be a busboy at a local Holiday Inn where […]
Crumbly-Building Man Fails to Save Costume Shop
Springfield, MO – The former “Costume Shop” near downtown Springfield at Main Avenue and W. Nichols Street collapsed despite the efforts of superhero Crumbly-Building Man, who was eating lunch close-by at Pappy’s Place. “He comes in every week for the lunch special. But today was different. During lunch he kept mentioning that his ‘crumbly-building senses’ […]
Mayor McCheese Wins MO Caucus!
Springfield, MO – At the Caucuses in Greene County Saturday, an unexpected entry from McDonald’s Mayor McCheese made for some interesting votes. McCheese arrived at the voting just in time for lunch, offering the crowd some free Big Macs, McRibs, and fries. “I heard the clowns were in town and forgot that the Circus was […]
Meat Locker Yoga Classes Begin in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Yoga aficionados across the globe are looking to Southwest Missouri for a new form of inspirational stretching while being subjected to cold, freezing conditions known as Frozen Yoga. “I’ve never seen anything like it, very inspiring,” said highly respected yoga master B.K.S. Iyengar from his home in India. “Frozen Yoga is a […]
