All Entries Tagged With: "lol"
Fifth Andy’s Location Creates Insidious Pentagram around Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the prophesied fifth Andy’s location opening in the next several days many Springfieldians are worried about the ominous symbol that is created when you connect all the locations of the fame ice cream shops. By putting dots on the map of Springfield over Andy’s locations, a pentagram can be seen that encases […]
Remington’s: Moms Shop for Kid’s Clothes Where They Were Once Knocked Up
Springfield, MO – Moms who were knocked up by visiting Remington’s Nightclub were back recently to buy clothing for the children they birthed from relationships forged at the former country and western bar and dance club. “I never thought I’d have a building grow with me but Remington’s has done just that. When I was […]
Springfield Public Schools Bans “Emo Hairstyle” Do To Hair Related Injuries
Springfield, MO- A new dangerous hair style has found its way to Springfield and administration has taken steps to combat the damage. Having bangs over one or both eyes (also know as Emo bangs) has caused numerous injuries including: falling down stairs, tripping over own laces, and running straight into lockers. “We are on this […]
Chicago Cubs Somehow Pave Way to Springfield Cardinals Championship
Springfield, MO – In an ironic twist of fate, the Double-A club affiliate of the freaking Cardinals has won a championship before the Major League Baseball club Chicago Cubs, however, the Cubs organization has placed a grandfather claim to the title as they were the last MLB team to previously have an affiliate in the […]
Cider Days Dubbed “Mutt’s Nuts” Day
Springfield, MO – Cider Days is eagerly anticipated each year by hundreds of dogs whose owners bring them along to the autumn festival. Dogs lucky enough to attend experience a ‘speed dating’ type of atmosphere where potential mates of all varie ties are easily accessible for inspection. “My dog just loves this festival, he is […]
Visitors Streak to See Jordan Valley Park Nekkid Woman
Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley Park, located in the heart of town, is an urban meadow vast enough to find places for solitude, places to socialize and over the past few months has become a place to see a not-too-shabby lookin’ nekkid lady running around flashin’ what her momma gave her. Visitors to the park […]
Scooby Doo and “McGruff The Crime Dog” Debate Marijuana
Springfield, MO- With a spirited debate taking place in City Hall about the marijuana, Springfield may be next to get the “munchies”. Because of the new discrimination law being addressed the Ozarks may be feel a public debate will help the public see both sides of the issues. The debate will be between two famous […]
Walnut Street Ghost Worried About Younger, Cooler Ghost
Springfield,MO- The Springfield Land Mark Board will consider the demolition of two historical homes in East Walnut to make room for apartments, effectively leaving many senior ghost homeless. The older ghost, who have been haunting the properties for years are doing everything in their power to keep their homes. But, they know with changing times […]
Claire McCaskill Plays Hooky From DNC
St. Petersburg, MO- Claire McCaskill decided to play hooky with her friends than go to the “totally boring” snooze feast of the DNC. Senior members of the democratic party are very disappointed in the irresponsible actions of the precocious youth. Claire was not available for comment and allegedly causing mischief all over the Ozarks. The […]
Mother Nature to Missouri: Is That Enough Water For You, You Babies?
Springfield, MO- With rain seemingly falling constantly for a period of days, many Ozarkians are wondering why this rain could not come earlier to relieve the drought ridden summer. In yesterday’s press conference Mother Nature was very direct in her answer. “You whiners complained about no rain all summer. Well, you want some water? Here […]
Naked Man Found in Clothing Donation Bin
Springfield, MO – This past Tuesday a totally naked man was found hiding inside a clothing donation bin waiting for a nice-fitting outfit to drop in on him. After a quick database search the man was identified as Larry Lapp, who has a history of gambling. Police officer Gabby Rook said, “We found Lapp inside […]
NFL Uses Replacement Fans
Springfield, MO – The National Football League will open the regular season with replacement fans in the Ozarks on opening day. League executives told the 32 teams that negotiations remain at a standstill between the NFL and the officials’ union, prompting fans to be replaced week 1. The replacement fans will be in the stands […]
Springfield Up in Smoke
Springfield, MO – Springfield’s city council voted to pass an ordinance that would minimize the penalty for marijuana possession this week, opening the door to smoke-outs, ganja jungles, blunt block parties and year-round bud seasons. When asked about the measure, city council members used numerous mentions of “man”, “like” and “dude” while answering reporter questions, […]
