All Entries Tagged With: "Law Enforcement"
Springfield Police Disarm Man by Train Tracks
Springfield, MO – It was reported recently that Springfield City Police had disarmed a man near the train tracks on N. Kansas Expressway, in what was believed to be a stand-off. However, in a drastic and dyslexic turn of events, it was found that the man had actually been disarmed by the train itself according […]
COPS shot in SGF
Springfield, MO—Witnesses claim that camera crews for the television show COPS was in town this past week riding with local law enforcement giving local peeps the opportunity to claim their own fame. According to police radio reports, at least six people had claimed that their “refrigerator was running”, 23 claims said folks were making […]
Citizens On Patrol: Purse Snatching
Springfield, MO—Incoming Police Chief Paul Williams is impressed that Springfield citizens are responding to his call of a “shared leadership concept”. Recently, a purse snatching episode turning into an arrest due to the heroic actions of a good Samaritan and an alert victim. Williams plans to reinforce his citizens on patrol effort by bringing in […]
Obese Triplets Rob Three Banks, Fool Police
Rolla, MO—In what was initially thought to be the same man robbing three banks, Missouri law enforcement have identified the “Truffle Shuffle Gang” as a dangerous group of fleshy felons. The endomorphic criminal element took police on, “a ride we’ll never forget,” according to Moberly City Policeman, Kevin Diggs. “We thought it was just one […]
Christian County Assessor’s Bad Hair Convicted
Ozark, MO—Christian County Assessor, Sandra Bryant-Littles, has been convicted for not assessing her own crazy hair-do. Fashion police visited the perp after she was indicted by a federal grand jury for failing to report taxable property. In a related case, her husband and farm hand are indicted for reporting a false claim of cattle theft. […]
One Arrest During 700-Person Brawl
Springfield, MO—It took nearly 50 police officers to settle a brawl involving hundreds of people in downtown Springfield this past weekend leading to one arrest and one pissed police chief. According to the Springfield Police Department the incident began at about 12:45 a.m. with a fight among a large group of people inside Remmingtons Downtown. […]
Stockton May Bring Back Police Force, Maybe
Stockton, MO—After seven years without a policing entity, Stockton may decide to bring back the boys in blue. Maybe. Perhaps. The city saves $26,000 a year by freeloading on law enforcement from Cedar County. Residents say they’d feel better if a police presence was felt within their community. Criminals say they’d feel better if the […]
Hobby Lobby Robbery: A Crime in Rhyme
Springfield, MO—Police have issued the following prose in order to catch the thief that Hobby Lobby does oppose. According to police, the Hobby Lobby on Kearney Street was blindsided by a woman, a cheat. She was spotted emptying her purse in the trunk of her car, then entered the store—step one for the burglar. After […]
Escaped Inmates Caught In Branson Attractions
Branson, MO—Four inmates who escaped from Oklahoma on Thursday were caught Friday in Branson. Because, if you ever escape from prison you should go directly to Branson, MO where dreams come true. The men were caught in pairs at different times of the day in various tourist attractions. Two were stopped on West Missouri 76 […]
Firefighters, Police To Sell CU To Highest Bidder
Springfield—Local fire and police officials have decided to sell City Utilities to fund the Police-Fire Pension Fund. “Well, it just sitting there. Nobody is using it” said Fire Chief Doug Dorman. “Everyone just started looking around the city for things to sell and we found a few old desks, an old fire truck we used […]
Portrait Packages Available at County Jail
Monday the Greene County Sheriff’s Office unveiled a new Web site containing the booking photo and charge information for inmates in the Greene County Jail. Now the Green County Jail is offering a portrait package for those wanting to capture their memories inside the slammer. The Greene County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday announced a new […]
Dickerson Park Will “Totally Get On Finding That Missing Panther “
In a press conference yesterday Dickerson Park Zoo official Charles Ranstad told local law enforcement officers and several members of the press that they will “Totally get on finding that missing panther,” the Zoo official then added “Geez. Get off our back.” The panther, a 250 pound killing machine, went missing last week and is […]
