All Entries Tagged With: "Law"
City Tangles with the Wrong Clown!
Springfield, MO – City efforts to thwart a sign-posting clown in southwest Springfield have heighted. According to sources, the citizen-clown has taken measures to protect his property from prying government inspectors. “We have reason to believe that the property in question has been equipped with tripwires that release laughing gas, confetti-stuffed landmines and flying attack […]
Lawrence County Renews Strip Club Tax, Adds “Spice Up the Bedroom” Tax
Mount Vernon, MO- With a Lawrence County 10% Strip Club on the ballots, lawmakers are trying to find other ways to make money in the same vein. With a “Spice Up the Bedroom” tax, couples will be taxed on various sexy items. Items that would be taxed would be: maid outfits, school girl outfits, masks, […]
Springfield Police Disarm Man by Train Tracks
Springfield, MO – It was reported recently that Springfield City Police had disarmed a man near the train tracks on N. Kansas Expressway, in what was believed to be a stand-off. However, in a drastic and dyslexic turn of events, it was found that the man had actually been disarmed by the train itself according […]
“Who Want’s to Be Deported?” to be Filmed in SGF
Springfield, Mo. - City leaders have announced the first episode of a new show from the National Broadcast Company (NBC) will be filmed in Springfield this fall. In coordination with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the new show will be called ‘Let’s Get You ‘Legal’’. Featuring undocumented aliens who will be given eight minutes […]
COPS shot in SGF
Springfield, MO—Witnesses claim that camera crews for the television show COPS was in town this past week riding with local law enforcement giving local peeps the opportunity to claim their own fame. According to police radio reports, at least six people had claimed that their “refrigerator was running”, 23 claims said folks were making […]
Fortune Telling Lawyer Open for Business
Springfield, MO—Local attorney Newsome Higsby has moved his law practice into a former fortuneteller’s office on Glenstone and St. Louis Street in Springberg, hoping to glean some otherworldly help in his caseload. Higsby said, “The space has a special aura about it. I think that most defendants would appreciate help from beyond the grave, and […]
Old Law/New Day Help Chicken Owners
Springfield MO—People that finally got the approval to have chickens in the city limits got an additional bonus with the discovery of an old Springfield law that gives chicken owners the right to hang chicken thieves without a trail or due process of law. The law written in 1830′s is still on the books and […]
Greene County Outsources Court Cases
Springfield MO—The overwhelming caseload for Greene County attorneys looks to be tamed by a much needed solution; starting August 15th, excess court cases will be outsourced to attorneys in India and Pakistan. Video teleconferencing in Greene County courtrooms will allow remote debating to conduct trails. Attorneys from foreign countries will be granted licenses to practice […]
Commuter Drives Speed Limit
Springfield, MO—Local commuter Keith Jonas was seen making a statement to the Springfield community at large. And that statement was “I’m driving the speed limit”. Many interpreted that statement to be the equivalent of a giant middle finger, since it is an unwritten law that you are expected to be going 10-35 mph over the […]
Citizens On Patrol: Purse Snatching
Springfield, MO—Incoming Police Chief Paul Williams is impressed that Springfield citizens are responding to his call of a “shared leadership concept”. Recently, a purse snatching episode turning into an arrest due to the heroic actions of a good Samaritan and an alert victim. Williams plans to reinforce his citizens on patrol effort by bringing in […]
Supreme Court Ruling Celebrated By Running Red Lights
Springfield, MO—Erve Hollins, a local resident, celebrated the Missouri Supreme Court’s unanimous decision to strike down use of red light video/still camera enforcement systems by running as many red lights as possible today. The landmark decision forced the City of Springfield to immediately disable all of its traffic law monitoring equipment and invalidates hundreds of […]
Counterfeit $22 Bills Passed Around Springfield
SPRINGFIELD, MO—The Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind continues to wreak havoc on the Ozarks local economy. Springfield police have confirmed multiple cases of counterfeit cash being passed in the Ozarks already in 2010. Detectives claim they’ve made several arrests but Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind is still at large. According to police sketches, the Duece-Duece counterfeiter is a bald […]
Obese Triplets Rob Three Banks, Fool Police
Rolla, MO—In what was initially thought to be the same man robbing three banks, Missouri law enforcement have identified the “Truffle Shuffle Gang” as a dangerous group of fleshy felons. The endomorphic criminal element took police on, “a ride we’ll never forget,” according to Moberly City Policeman, Kevin Diggs. “We thought it was just one […]
Local Tough Guy Holiday Poll
Springfield, MO – Well known watering hole-brawler Frank Esposito was reported polling people in The 13th Step Tavern on Christmas Eve, wondering if anyone, indeed, thought they were better than him. The whole incident began over a misunderstanding earlier in the evening. It turns out that Mr. Esposito had a “regular” bar stool at The […]
Christian County Assessor’s Bad Hair Convicted
Ozark, MO—Christian County Assessor, Sandra Bryant-Littles, has been convicted for not assessing her own crazy hair-do. Fashion police visited the perp after she was indicted by a federal grand jury for failing to report taxable property. In a related case, her husband and farm hand are indicted for reporting a false claim of cattle theft. […]
