All Entries Tagged With: "laugh"
Venice of the Ozarks Briefly Revealed
Springfield, MO – Yesterday flood rains dissected the city of Springfield into a group of 118 small islands separated by canals and for a few moments Springfield existed as the Venice of the Ozarks, further verifying the city as one of the most important tourist destinations in the world. Before the deluge of rain, Springfield, […]
Turn Signal Fines Potential Revenue Source
Springfield, MO – Springfield officials have been observing developments in Colorado since marijuana was legalized there last year. City Manager Colin Blink says that “the city has watched both Colorado’s decreased costs, now that it no longer has drug laws to enforce, and has watched even closer the revenue raised in Colorado by the taxation […]
Finding a Good Summer Day Care
Springfield, MO – Finding the right day care for your child takes about 10 minutes of time, a few well-placed questions to people who “know things”, and a little bit of acting. Here are the basics: Check out the facility. Don’t schedule an appointment, but show up dressed as a circus clown whose been drinking […]
Arrowhead Sets World Record for Silence in 2012
Kansas City, MO – It is official, last year the Chiefs set a record at Arrowhead Stadium for being the least loud venue in American football. Team officials only recently revealed that they flew a Guinness World Records official to the Chiefs v. Raiders game in 2012 where fans set the lowest sound record of […]
Murder Story Followed By Happy Weather Report
Springfield, MO – In recent news, a horrible story regarding one person murdering another person was quickly follow up by a snappy upbeat weather report! Weather is commonly used to soften the blow to viewers after an unsavory piece of bad information is shared. News teams have relied upon the weather to transition from gruesome […]
Sperm Donations Boxes Now Available
Springfield, MO – Local donation boxes have recently appeared around the Ozarks with a different type of gift in mind, the gift of life. Sperm donations are rising in popularity and donation boxes are rapidly filling street corners next to traditional donation boxes for clothing, food and shoes. Sperm boxes are spreading in popularity across […]
New Downtown Walmart Offers Cool Hipster Hangout
Springfield, MO- With the new Walmart successfully rezoned near downtown, Walmart Spokesmen assures downtown regulars that this won’t be their “Father’s Wal-Mart”. The downtown Walmart is promised to bring a vibrant, cultural experience to area youths. “Listen, we understand what you cats are jiving about,” says 58 year old Walmart public relations manager, Kurt Stevens, […]
Cattle Heads Stolen From Farm
Marionville, MO – According to a grotesque trail of bovine blood, nearly thirty cattle were decapitated and left for dead in Lawrence County. The heads were completely removed and relocated to another place, far away from their previous location…atop their shoulders. The Lawrence County Sheriff confirmed that 27 head of cattle were stolen from a […]
Fiscal Cliff Protest Jump Planned at Table Rock Lake
Branson, MO – Thousands of fiscally-minded citizens plan to jump into icy water at the Swings cliff on Table Rock Lake to garner attention and avert the budgetary collision of tax hikes and spending cuts that threaten the U.S. economic recovery this week. Event organizers have registered hoards of cliff jumpers eager to pay $25 […]
First Name Basis Only Commercial Zone on Campbell Ave.
Springfield, MO – Sam’s, Casey’s, Freddy’s, Andy’s, and Famous Dave’s are taking advantage of specially zoned area on either side of south Campbell avenue, accessible via the gateway to first name business land: James River Expressway. Companies whose dba reflects a male or female first name have been incented to locate along this strip of […]
Downtown Fundamentalists Take Lessons from “Cash for Gold”
Springfield, MO – On an average weekend night in downtown Springfield, you might see different groups of people from over-dressed college kids, gigging musicians, street performers, the guy with the telescope, to many of the “square rats” with their skateboards, shouting, and/or hand drums. But the one constant to any weekend night downtown are the […]
