All Entries Tagged With: "John Q. Hammons"
LEGO® Releases Hammons Tower Set
Springfield, MO – Designed by a LEGO fan, the new LEGO Hammons Tower (77053) will be available for purchase this spring. Creator Matt Plither, a Springfield native, submitted the design to LEGO CUUSOO, a site where LEGO designers can submit projects, gains supporters and receive royalties if a product concept is chosen for production. Plither’s […]
Hammons, Pitt & Morris Combine to Defeat Mayan Apocalypse, World Celebrates
Springfield, MO – After months of secret collaborative efforts three native Springfield businessmen have successfully thwarted the impending doom predicted by final days of the Mayan Calendar. John Q. Hammons, Brad Pitt and Johnny Morris appeared disheveled and bruised early this morning but beamed proudly at their world-saving accomplishment. According to reports, the men played […]
Visitors Streak to See Jordan Valley Park Nekkid Woman
Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley Park, located in the heart of town, is an urban meadow vast enough to find places for solitude, places to socialize and over the past few months has become a place to see a not-too-shabby lookin’ nekkid lady running around flashin’ what her momma gave her. Visitors to the park […]
Mirage Alert Issued for Art Walkers
Springfield, MO – Due to the high heat, a mirage warning has been issued to people who plan to attend the first Friday Art Walk this week. Downtown employees have reported seeing strange things all week and the illusions are expected to continue through the weekend. “I saw an oasis spring of Springfield Brew Co’s […]
John Q Hammons Secures Naming Rights to Self
Springfield, MO – John Q. Hammons has recently offered up, and subsequently secured the naming rights to himself, staffers close to the local entrepreneur and real estate magnate say. The negotiations regarding the name change were reportedly heated, involving several business leaders and major companies. In the end Hammons won out, and plans to enact […]
John Q Hammons Returns as powerful “Hammons the White”
Astral Plain, MO- Missing business man John Q Hammons returned to his fellowship of business cohorts yesterday in a surprise press conference held amidst the trees and rolling hills of Jordan Valley Park. There he told amazed audience about his escape from the top of Hammons tower via an eagle lord; freeing CEO’s from […]
Hammons Found Frozen in Carbonite
Springfield, MO—Community leaders are happy to announce that they have located John Q Hammons frozen in a block of carbonite. Previously, Hammons was feared to be imprisoned in involuntary seclusion at a Springfield nursing home by the current CEO of his company. “Fortunately, we found him in carbonite down by the Jordan River,” said a […]
Hammons’ Statue Tells Fortunes for Quarter
Springfield, MO—To dispense the considerable business knowledge acquired by local hotelier, John Q. Hammons, his likeness has been converted into a fortune telling machine. Those who seek business knowledge can be transformed from business novice to savvy professional one quarter at a time. “Let’s be honest, John hasn’t felt very good recently. We were looking […]
Local Woman Finds John Q. Image In French Toast
Springfield, MO – Mrs. Ginger Rinkenbaugh received quite a surprise yesterday morning when the unmistakable image of John Q. Hammons appeared on her second slice of French toast. It was not a sign that she takes lightly in the least. “I had just told my husband, Mortimer, that I was at a loss as to […]
Hammons to Fork Over Land
Springfield, MO—After paying $7 million dollars for the vacant lot next to the Springfield Expo Center, John Q. Hammons plans to sell back the property to the City of Springfield for $1.00, after spending $500,000 on plastic forks to be inserted into the land. Hammons released a statement to the Springfield Business Journal saying he […]
John Q de Hotelier Statue Announced
Branson, MO—New statue plans were announced today to honor James Quentin Hammons, the holiest of hoteliers. Known as an American businessman and one of the nation’s premier developers of upscale luxury hotels and resorts, “John Q”, has conveyed a message of representing the general public and progress in Springfield, Missouri and beyond. Overlooking Table Rock […]
MSU to Sell JQH Arena, Cut Majors
Springfield, MO—In a bid to secure funding for 2010, Missouri State University president Michael Neitzel plans to sell university assets, the first to go is JQH arena. Said Neitzel, “I’m having our finance department run the numbers and we can get quite a bit of chump change for that airplane hangar on our campus.” When […]
G-Team Van Spotted in Springfield
Springfield, MO—Protecting the innocent and shielding others from danger is the job of the G-Team. Fashioned after the original cast of military misfits that formed the A-Team—made popular by the 80’s television action show—the G-Team provides protection for Springfieldians but removed a few times from the original soldiers of fortune. “They’re the G-Team because they’re […]
Hammons Tower Again Voted Springfield’s Tallest Building
The results of the annual “Best of 417” poll are in, and once again, residents have voted Hammons Tower the area’s tallest building. The 270-foot structure, which dwarfs the other greenhouses and barns nearby, won easily in its category. Tower namesake John Q. Hammons could not be reached for comment and is not expected to […]
John Q. Hammons Changes Name To Unpronounceable Symbol
Springfield–In a move that’s destined to have major ramifications for area hotels, convention centers, baseball stadiums, basketball arenas, office buildings, medical facilities, thoroughfares, residence halls, architectural fountains, and statues, local business magnate John Q. Hammons has announced that he is changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol: ℑ. “I read about this kinda thing a […]
