All Entries Tagged With: "Health"
Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu
Branson, MO—Skaggs Regional Medical Center in Branson has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning Sept. 26. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment. “It was really […]
10,000 Cigarettes Reward Offered
Marshfield, MO—A reward of free smokes is now offered for help solving an arson fire at an area tobacco shop. The business was set afire last month and so far officials are baffled as to the arsonist, however, a motive has been identified. A note was left at the scene that read “Fire-crotch butt smoke”. […]
Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI
CARTERVILLE, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri 171 at Carterville, north of Joplin. Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Carterville, has a revoked driver’s license […]
Residents Urged Not to Handle Fire, etc.
Strafford, MO—Health officials are warning people not to handle fire, broken glass, hazardous material, dirty needles, poison or unknown chemicals after “pretty dancing lights” burned two Strafford area residents when they tried to grasp the illumination, otherwise known as “flames from a fire” last week. The Springfield-Greene County Health Department would like to remind area […]
Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks
OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the […]
Crowds Love Trashing I Love America
Springfield, MO—After the final sparkle, crews exploded onto the grounds of the area’s largest Fourth of July celebration. Volunteers worked for hours to clean up the mess left behind at the I Love America Festival. It took the crew of about a hundred 14 hours to finish the clean up at Springfield Underground. “I love […]
Ozarks Tanning Salon Adds Biopsy Service
Springfield—When customers started canceling their appointments to “get that thing looked at,” David Hutch saw an opportunity. “My clientele is very busy with the lake, performances, etc., and they need a one-stop solution for all their tanning and cancer screening needs,” states Hutch. The new service, now available at his four Tan Aura locations, allows […]
‘Nixa Hellhound’ Turns Self In
Nixa, MO — Described as a mutated deer, a hybrid fox/wolfman, and even as a hunchback gorilla, tales of the Nixa Hellhound have spread quickly across the Ozarks this year. Though only a few have seen the creature and even fewer claim to have photographic evidence, stories of the beast eating goldfish from backyard ponds […]
Long Wait for Cox South ER
Springfield—After 25 years Cox South plans to open a new ER facility in 2010. Some patients waiting to receive medical treatment at the hospital would say that a quarter of a century is how long they usually wait to see a doctor. “I had two axe handles wedged in my throat, three gunshot wounds and […]
Buckingham’s “Catch the Swine Fever” Campaign Cancelled Due to Poor Timing
Buckingham’s new print and television campaign titled “Catch the Swine Fever” has been cancelled today due to the outbreak of Swine Flu that is plaguing Mexico, Asia, and parts of the United States. The campaign with the mottos: “Catch The Swine Fever”, “Swine Fever Will Getcha”, “Swine Fever…Catch It”, “Food So Good You Won’t Want […]
