All Entries Tagged With: "Halloween"
Child Preparing to Hide Candy from Parents
Springfield, MO – According to playground conversations, 2nd grader Lanie Post is actively putting into motion a plan to keep the best tasting candy out of her parent’s hands during and after Halloween. Claiming past experiences as her motivation, Post is determined to prevent Kit Kats, Reese’s peanut butter cups and Sour Patch Kids from […]
Lost Man Eats Friend to Survive Corn Maze
South of Springfield, MO – Local buddies Matt Roppen and Jeremy Koffrot had planned to enjoy a scary experience at Campbell’s Farm’s haunted maze and came away with an entirely horrific experience: trapped in the maze for 2 weeks, Roppen was reduced to commit acts of cannibalism in order to survive the corn labyrinth. Officials […]
Parents Increase Candy Tax This Halloween
Springfield, MO – Local parents have increased the cost of chaperoning their children during the candy gathering season known colloquially as Halloween. The parental imposed Candy Tax has held steady over the past decade, but saw an increase after weak job growth and economic instability this year. “We just can’t afford to purchase as much […]
Alien Enjoys Zoo’s Spooktacular
Springfield, Mo – Dickerson Park Zoo confirmed the existence of alien life forms this week as one landed and participated in the annual Halloween Spooktacular celebration. After enjoying the event, the intergalactic visitor applied to become a Friend of the Zoo (FOZ). During the opening night, several attendees mentioned a fantastic “fake” UFO crash landing […]
Squash Seized, Slashed, and Smashed for Shocking Samhain Ceremony
Dateline Springfield: Welcome back listeners. That was Macy Wallace with her new jazz hit, “City Lights.” We now interrupt this regularly schedule program with exciting news from Professor Farrell of the Chicago Observatory. Apparently, some explosions on the surface of Mars has jittered many scientist interested in – Hold on… This just in… A […]
Halloween Office Party Was “Totally Crazy”
Springfield, MO- According to several sources, the office Halloween party at McMerchant Accounting Firm was somewhere between “totally crazy” and “off da hook.” The party goers, mostly accountants and executive assistants, all stated they had a wild time that will never be forgotten. “I have such a hang over,” stated accountant Wildfred Marksdale. […]
Record High for Ozark Haunted House Foreclosures
Springfield MO- Haunted house foreclosures in the Ozarks are at an all-time high leaving various ghouls, ghost and other creatures of the night homeless. Because of the foreclosures the abominations of evil are having to move into hotels, stay at relative’s houses, or (in case of trolls) pan handle under a bridge. Many are […]
Halloween…
I love this time of year…the cool, crisp fall air, the turning of the leaves and, yes, the lone fall holiday…Halloween. Things have changed a bit over the years. This holiday used to be about hanging out with friends and eating candy. These days, it appears that the blood and guts has turned to whores […]
Allergy Sufferers “Trumpet” Opening Of Botanical Center
Springfield, MO – The Springfield-Greene County Botanical Center opened this month to a resounding “AAAACHHHOOOOO.” The Center was dedicated Monday, October 11, 2010, to moderate applause and a large round of sneezing from allergy sufferers. Located at 2400 South Scenic, the facility features classroom space, a two-story atrium, gift shops, and a Butterfly House. The […]
Riverside Inn’s Ghost Steals, Returns Painting
Ozark, MO—Local haunt Howard Garrison played a final prank on the owners of the Riverside Inn this week by removing belongings from the restaurant. One painting, “View From the Ava Jail” was reported stolen on Sunday, then reappeared on Wednesday. The art was created by Garrison while he was incarcerated in the Douglas County Jail […]
Lazy Neighbor Activates Ever-Present Holiday Lights
Springfield, MO—Neighborhood scourge, Jimmy Holstein, lit up his omnipresent holiday lights on Tuesday, bringing to life a sting of laziness that has hung on his roof since 2005. “The first year Holstein moved in, we all thought it was very festive that he hung Christmas lights. Then New Years came and went, and then Valentine’s […]
Nixa Hellhound Tracked to Camp Winoka
Springfield, MO—Paul the Nixa Hellhound has been seen bathing in the springs at Winoka Lodge, better known as Camp Winoka. The camp has been closed after rumors spread that several girl scouts were brutally murdered, however, conspiracy theorists claim the story was fabricated to protect the Nixa Hellhound habitat after it claimed the area as […]
Vampire Underground Holds Open House
Springfield, MO—The Ozarks very own Vampire Underground will be holding an open house this Halloween week welcoming community members, vampire queens and other “humans” who might need an “awakening”. The meeting will be held at Hell’s Church in Springfield’s subterranean Jordan Creek Tunnel that runs under downtown. Vampire Underground members David, Paul, Marko, and Dwayne […]
Wonders of Wildlife Spook-quarium and Costume Shop Opens
Springfield, MO—This Fall a traveling costume shop will occupy the American National Fish and Wildlife Museum providing costumes to Halloween participants and converting part of the museum to a haunted house attraction, or “Spook-quarium”. In order to pay down the $52 million bond used to build the facility, officials at Wonders of Wildlife Museum and […]
