All Entries Tagged With: "Fireworks"
Dead Bodies Cremated via Fireworks Display
Springfield, MO – Starting this Saturday, Greenfawn Memorial Gardens will showcase its first ever fireworks display by strapping dead bodies to large pyrotechnics in order to cremate dead people with a big bang. These heavy-duty fireworks are manufactured to be attached to dead bodies by PM Pyrotechnics. The inaugural display will be near Greenfawn Memorial […]
Fireworks Stand Changes Name to Responsible Randy’s
Springfield, MO – After operating for several years as Crazy Carl’s Fireworks, a recent tent fire has prompted ownership to reconsider the stand’s brand and change its name to Responsible Randy’s Fireworks. The new name is expected to stand alone in a field of stands carrying monikers such as “Crazy”, “Wild” and “Socially Irresponsible” Fireworks. […]
Rountree Neighborhood Welcomes New Noises, Dangers
Springfield, MO – Based on feedback from a recent neighborhood association meeting, homeowners have unanimously approved the addition of several noisy and dangerous neighborhood garnishes. An outdoor concert venue, nightly fireworks displays, a shooting range, one quarter mile NHRA dragster track, and a new space shuttle launch pad will all be added by the end […]
Giant Flaming Eagle Terrorizes Independence Day Celebrators
Springfield, MO – Yesterday a rare flaming eagle was seen screaming across the night’s sky across the southeast side of town. Witnesses said they were unsure what the flying object was until they heard a piercing shrill cry and saw the bird of freedom soaring over their homes, spitting fire from its glorious tail feathers. […]
Giant Black Snake Tops Fireworks Show
Kimberling City, MO—“OMG what the hell is that!?” could be heard shouted from boaters on Table Rock Lake this weekend as they viewed the final few moments of the Kimberling Bridge fireworks show. According to sources, the fireworks finale included a 475-foot tall, 60-foot round giant black snake that scared the bejesus out of […]
Bottle Rocket War in Nixa This Year!
Nixa, MO—Monday night, the Nixa Board of Alderman unanimously voted for an awesome bottle rocket war in their city. Venders are allowed to continue to sell the small sky rockets guided by the mouth of a bottle. Usually considered a unique hazard, due to their ability to fly in many different directions other than vertically, […]
Crowds Love Trashing I Love America
Springfield, MO—After the final sparkle, crews exploded onto the grounds of the area’s largest Fourth of July celebration. Volunteers worked for hours to clean up the mess left behind at the I Love America Festival. It took the crew of about a hundred 14 hours to finish the clean up at Springfield Underground. “I love […]
Dude Freaks Out Neighbors with Firework Obsession
Greene County, MO—Blowing up bits of China one cracker at a time is Randy Closter’s favorite American pastime. He savors this time of the year like no other and keeps plenty of M80s on hand during the celebration season. This time of the year is held special by many people, however, Closter has a special […]
Land Grab at Battlefield Fireworks Celebration
Springfield, MO—Local Springfield and Nixa residents plan to attend the Battlefield, Missouri’s firework celebration this year completely crashing the party. Springfield’s Firefall, the annual firework celebration, was cancelled after the City cut its contribution to the Springfield-Greene County Parks Department because of a decline in sales tax revenue. Now, Nixa also won’t have its annual […]
