All Entries Tagged With: "Earthquake"
Hurricane Sandy Expected to Merge with Ozarks Tornado, setting off New Madrid Fault Line
Springfield, MO – Local weather experts are fearful that hurricane Sandy will turn its sights onto the Midwest after it destroys the Eastern Coast of the United States. After already merging with a nor’easter and clashing into Arctic winds, Sandy is growing stronger each day. “This storm has an appetite that cannot be contained. If […]
New Madrid Fault Is A Real Prima Donna
Springfield, MO – The New Madrid fault flexed its muscles yesterday just to show people that it still exists. “Yeah I tossed a 4.0 on they badselves just because I can,” said the fault, “boo-yah humans!” Reports indicate that the New Madrid fault line experiences far less publication than other more popular fault lines in […]
Local Douchebag Felt Earthquake More Than You
Springfield, MO – Despite an epicenter nearly 250 miles away, local douchebag Stan Liston claimed that he was “totally rocked by the quake, probably more than you.” Liston recalled his horrific story this morning while having breakfast with several of his friends at Gailey’s. “We were all at the same party last night […]
Billy Long Jumps Into Presidential Race; Causes 5.8 Earthquake
Springfield, MO – According to members of his staff, US Congressman Billy Long has jumped into the Presidential Race with both feet, triggering a terrifying and destructive 5.8 magnitude earthquake in Washington, D.C. this week. “When I heard Billy Long was now it the race, my whole body shook with fear,” said Norma Henkly who […]
Earthquake Evidence Reveals Fable As Fact
Guy, AR – Last nights late evening earthquake rattled may Ozark residents. The USGS reported this was on the magnitude of a 4.7 earthquake. Reports of how far north into Missouri that shock could be felt are sketchy as many Ozarkers may be making up false reports because they don’t want to be left out […]
Local Pervs Devastated by Boobquake Fail
By Snawt T. Buble Springfield, MO—Not everyone is breathing a sigh of relief now that the planet has been spared the predicted boobquake. Local authorizes have arrested three local perverts, Big Jim and the Twins and another person of interest named Chub for allegedly pitching a tent within 50’ of the entrance to Victoria’s Secret […]
Greene County Emergency Services Readies for Worldwide Boobquake Hysteria
By Snawt T. Buble Springfield, MO—Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, Greene County Emergency Management (GCEM) personnel are taking no chances as the world readies for the possibility of an enormous boobquake. Predicted by an Iranian cleric and amateur seismologist Sedighi, boobquakes are known to happen when women show too much cleavage. […]
