All Entries Tagged With: "Dog"
Lebanon School District Administrators Placed in Trailers
Lebanon, MO – Parents of special education students were pleased to learn that Lebanon School District administrators were recently placed in an un-air-conditioned trailer behind the school’s campus until they can come up with a plan to properly integrate their children and reverse the segregating their loved ones have been exposed to from the rest […]
Marionville Enacts Strictest K9 Alt. Ban by Mistake
Marionville, MO – Due to a typo, local officials have passed the strictest canine alternative bans in the state of Missouri. The laws were aimed at K2, a synthetic marijuana substitute, however the legal clerk typing up the copy mistakenly substituted a “9” for a “2”, thereby restricting the possession or sale of any animal […]
Area Dogs Survive Another Armageddon
Springfield, MO- Area dogs are pleased to see they survived another Armageddon. The Armageddon (which always occurred in early July) is marked with horrible, thunderous banging sounds; bright lights exploding in the sky; black ash snakes appearing from flames; fire and sparks shooting from the ground; and smiling demons holding magic sticks of fire. […]
Aliens Suspected in Puppy Proliferation
By G. Etaclue Springfield is experiencing record numbers of unwanted pets with speculation they are being dropped on the city by aliens. “Animals are running at large everywhere” said an animal control officer who spoke off the record fearing alien retaliation. “Last week we had 50 complaints about packs of strays stealing hot dogs from […]
Trap Door/Wolf Pit Added To John L. Morris’s Office
Springfield, MO—Last week John L. Morris, owner of Bass Pro, defended a need for trap-door/wolf pit added to his office. “I know due to the tough economic times many higher levels executives are called to tone down superficial items. But, a hidden trap door leading to a wolf pit is an absolute necessity,” stated […]
Overwatch Manor Doghouse Biggest In Missouri
Highlandville, MO—Construction crews are bringing the largest doghouse to the Ozarks, and once completed will be one of the biggest dog homes in America. Visible from HWY 65, the canine fortress will reside next to Overwatch Manor and be known as Overwatch Kennel. Records indicate Steven T. Huff, founder of Overwatch Systems, is listed on […]
Dogs Benefit From New Hydrant Color
Springfield, MO—Neighborhood dogs are getting an upgrade that no one would have expected thanks to local firefighters efforts to make fire hydrants more visible. Teams are currently working to repaint all 7,000 hydrants with a brighter, more reflective paint, which will improve urinal locations for all canines. “I’m just so excited that the City is […]
Tindle Mills Demolition Smells Familiar
Springfield, MO—A local dog food factory’s destruction is releasing a nasty fragrance not experienced since the operation was producing smelly dog food. Tindle Mills was known regionally for emitting a foul sulfur odor while in production, a smell now revived by the buildings’ demise. “Once we started tearing down that tower it released a gaseous […]
Invisible Fence Sign on Visible Fence
Springfield, MO—A sign claiming fence invisibility is posted on a main thoroughfare in the Queen city yet to the naked eye the fence is clearly visible. Motorist traveling north on National street are exposed to this ironic advertisement every day and seek answers to this confusing signage. “The wood fence is surrounded by an invisible […]
