All Entries Tagged With: "Conditions and Diseases"
Sleep…
You get too much and you are groggy…you get too little and you are cranky. Sleeping seems like such a waste of time…most of us sleep 1/3 of our day away. Yet, we have this sort of love-hate relationship with sleep. Likely, we feel pretty good when we lay down and just a few hours […]
Public Health Strengthened through Provocative Team Name
Springfield, MO – Recently, “The Poopshooters” joined the Y.M.C.A. co-ed adult basketball league and have been turning more than one head. Consisting entirely of area proctologists, this new team is gaining attention not only by their basketball skills, but by their message. Team captain Dr. Larry Schuler is proud of their little play […]
Hipster Refuses to Remove Beanie, Suffers Heat Stroke
Springfield, MO – A local resident suffered from a heat stroke yesterday because he was too warmly dressed while walking through downtown Springfield in the humid, 99-degree weather. Jacoby Trapper, a known hipster, reportedly “refused to take off his slouch beanie” despite the heat because he “wasn’t some mainstream sell-out.” “He should have at […]
It Burns When You Learn at UTI
Springfield, MO—Universal Technical Institute, a system of technical schools specializing in automotive repairs, was recently surprised to learn that its abbreviation also refers to urinary tract infections. Officials at UTI were confused by a sudden rash of questions after airing television commercials for the school here in the Ozarks. “We were curious why people were calling […]
H1N1: the New Black Plague
Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Health Department’s released this week’s health update yesterday. The Fight the Flu Web site has new documents on influenza and asthma, as well as “What to do When you Think You Have the Flu.” The H1N1 update is below. All people who are suspected of having the swine flu, or H1N1, […]
Cider Days’ Scarecrow Village Fight Over Brain
Springfield, MO—Cider Days marks the beginning of fall for most people living within the city limits. This weekend several thousand people will fill Walnut Street and greet the changing season with a cup of apple cider while taking in the arts and crafts native to the Ozarks area. Seldom few will notice the struggle for […]
Hot Chick at ICON Actually Waving to Guy Behind Local Dude
Springfield, MO—Jeremy Childress, local telemarketer, attended ICON Nightclub on Saturday night. Midway through the evening, a hot chick with awesome blonde hair and a short pink dress waved in Childress’ direction. Childress responded by slyly peeking behind him, then twice pointing a finger at his chest while mouthing, “Me?” Surprised, but assured that she was […]
Residents Urged Not to Handle Fire, etc.
Strafford, MO—Health officials are warning people not to handle fire, broken glass, hazardous material, dirty needles, poison or unknown chemicals after “pretty dancing lights” burned two Strafford area residents when they tried to grasp the illumination, otherwise known as “flames from a fire” last week. The Springfield-Greene County Health Department would like to remind area […]
Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks
OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the […]
Ozarks Tanning Salon Adds Biopsy Service
Springfield—When customers started canceling their appointments to “get that thing looked at,” David Hutch saw an opportunity. “My clientele is very busy with the lake, performances, etc., and they need a one-stop solution for all their tanning and cancer screening needs,” states Hutch. The new service, now available at his four Tan Aura locations, allows […]
