All Entries Tagged With: "Canada"
Criminals Anxiously Await Night Out Celebrations
Springfield, MO – Thousands of local citizens will gather in public places to heighten crime prevention awareness, strengthen neighborhood spirit and police-community partnerships, and generate support for participation in local anticrime programs…while criminals ransack their unoccupied homes. “This is seriously, like the best thing to ever happen to us,” said criminal Bluto Snatchnsuck, “I’m planning […]
Wallenda Crosses Jordan Valley Fountain on High Wire
Springfield, MO – Yesterday, aerialist Nik Wallenda became the first person to cross directly over the Jordan Valley fountain on a high wire. “No one had ever thought to do that before,” said Wallenda who just recently crossed Niagara Falls last week. “After he crossed the horseshoe falls, I’ll believe he could cross over anything […]
Canadian Students Go “South of Border” For Spring Break, End Up In Ozarks
Springfield, MO- Much like US college students go Mexico to celebrate drunken debauchery for their Spring Break, Canadian students go “south of the border” for their fun. Although many party-going Canadians go to wild and crazy cities such as Cincinnati, Ohio; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Des Moines, Iowa – many find themselves in the hedonistic hub […]
Horse Meat Processing Plant To Offer Horse-Head Delivery for Mobsters
Mountain Grove, MO- Not only will the new Horse Meat Processing plant give Ozarkians the chance to eat delicious horse meat (with 3 different cuts of horse steak: Sea Biscuit, Secretariat, and War Horse), but give an exciting opportunity to ease the minds of local mobsters. With the plant’s streamlined “horse head” delivery system, mobsters […]
Local Man Too Excited About Today
September 29,2010 is a very exciting day for Springfield resident Tom Banner not because it has any significance, but because it specifically has no significance. “Everyone gets excited about July 4th, or April 20th, but sometimes it takes little useless days to make us step back and realize how wonderful the world is,” Banner said. […]
Jerichoholics Anonymous Meeting This Sunday
Springfield, MO – This past December, local talk radio station KSGF fired beloved morning show host, Vincent David Jericho. Fans of the local celebrity have come together in this difficult time to form Jerichoholics Anonymous. Their first meeting will be this Sunday. “Vincent David Jericho was a hero in this community! He was a true […]
Workout Clothes Make Man Look Fat
Springfield, MO—While dressing to prepare for a workout at the south side YMCA, local man Kurt Tressel said, “these workout clothes make me look fat”. Looking fat and feeling fat the man traveled to the workout center in his automobile early Friday morning. While resting his breakfast of champions little black donut package on his […]
Original Spring Field Lost, Not Located
Springfield, MO—The spring that fed the field that Springfield was named after hasn’t been seen in several decades. In fact, most area town names now only have a vague symbolic relationship to the geographic area that once featured prominent landmarks. Springfield History Museum Executive Director said, “there’s no ‘spring’ or ‘field’ in Springfield much like […]
