All Entries Tagged With: "Business"
Economy Gives the “Q” New Events
Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in […]
Missourians Enjoy Tax Holiday
Springfield, MO—Missourians enjoyed a weekend without sales tax or self-control thanks to the Missouri tax holiday. Malls, shopping center, and retail stores were transformed from a peaceful shopping environments to a chaotic rampage that made the last chapter of Lord of the Flies look like the last chapter of Pride and Prejudice. The masses, drunk […]
Massive Layoffs Exhaust Local Agency Execs
Springfield, MO—After a long day of layoffs, local advertising agency executives find that relaxing with a nice bottle of 1870 Blandy’s Verdelho Solera Madeira is the best way to relieve the stress of swinging the pink slip ax. “I had to cry for, like, all day,” said one executive. “Fortunately, this really expensive wine I’m […]
Hammons Tower Again Voted Springfield’s Tallest Building
The results of the annual “Best of 417” poll are in, and once again, residents have voted Hammons Tower the area’s tallest building. The 270-foot structure, which dwarfs the other greenhouses and barns nearby, won easily in its category. Tower namesake John Q. Hammons could not be reached for comment and is not expected to […]
Branson Airport Sees Infinity Percent Growth over May 2008
After months of posting no gains in passenger numbers traffic hit an unexpected surge in May. Airport officials said Thursday that May passenger numbers were up “like a ka-jillion percent” compared to May 2008, marking the airport’s busiest month on record. The increase comes after several years of and flat figures. “The May numbers are […]
Yakov Billboard Explodes
Branson, MO—A prominent billboard featuring famous Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff exploded last night sending debris across both north and southbound lanes of US highway 65. For years the billboard positioned a smiling image of Smirnoff wearing a muskrat full fur Russian hat while holding a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse that proclaimed “danger […]
Dingy Bigger Than Entire Boat
Classic boats were on display at this weekend at Table Rock Lake as important pieces of history. In fact, many boat lovers hit the lake this weekend to mock the 2009 Classics Cruisin’ weekend attendees. Before the festivities took place a christening occurred of The Flying Wasp. The captain of the boat said, “I’ve got […]
Domino’s Pizza Delivered By QuikDine
Springfield—George Thimbert totally had pizza delivered by QuikDine delivery service on Wednesday. When approached for comment Thimbert said, “well, I, uh, was jonsing for a pizza so I called the delivery service and asked them to deliver it to me. Because I was, like, hungry.” A QuikDine representative said QuikDine, a Springfield, Missouri enterprise and […]
Bass Pro Shops Unveils New Marketing Effort
Springfield, MO — Slashing marketing budgets is nothing new, especially in this economy, but in the face of such challenges Bass Pro Shops has decided to take a completely new approach to advertising. “We’ve done all sort of advertising over the years,” said Butch Gitcha, Director of Marketing for Bass Pros Shops, “print, TV, direct […]
Truck Trap Foils Two Trucks in Two Days
Springfield, MO—For the second day in a row, another illiterate truck driver has succumbed to the “truck trap” low overpass at the Grant and Commercial intersection. “Man, I could sell tickets to this event. It’s like a free demolition derby out here. Watching vehicles with not too quick drivers try and squeeze under this overpass […]
Large, Inflatable Gorillas Hit Hard By Ozark Car Dealers Closing
Ozark, MO—The recession has found itself yet another victim. Due to car dealerships closing all over the Ozarks, large inflatable gorillas have found themselves out of work with no means of supporting their large inflatable families. “Mojo sad,” said Mojo, a large inflatable gorilla, after seeing his large inflatable pink slip. Mojo has a similar […]
Two Women Use Jedi Mind Trick To Rob Joplin Businesses
Joplin, MO—Police are looking for two women who stole a train suspension system from the F A G Bearings plant on Tuesday night. Police said one of the women posed as a F A G employee and the second played the role of customer. The duo also reportedly made off with a 52-inch, flat-screen Samsung […]
Tourists Can’t Find ProBass on GPS Unit
Springfield—Two local tourists, Hank Bigrow and Jimmy Flagger, took a special trip from their hometown to visit the granddaddy of outdoor sporting worlds on Tuesday. Problem was they couldn’t find it on their global positioning system they relied upon. “I’d never been to the area so I wasn’t sure where Pro Bass was located,” said […]
Branson Airport Celebrated With Congestion
Branson—This past weekend thousands of people gathered to celebrate the opening of the new $155 million Branson Airport in highway 76-style: waiting in traffic. Yes, Saturday hundreds of visitors sat in traffic for hours before even reaching the new facility to enjoy the Branson air show. Branson Mayor, Raeanne Presley, said, “our citizens have a […]
New Airport Terminal Thanks to Terrorists
Springfield—The long-awaited, $115 million Midfield Terminal will open Wednesday, thanks in large part to terrorism. “Yeah, the terrorists have won again, we’re going to move to the new awesome terminal instead of the old shabby terminal that is inadequate for security purposes,” said Kent Boyd from the Springfield-Branson National Airport. The old terminal has run […]
