All Entries Tagged With: "Bass Pro Shops"
Johnny Morris Made Mayor Of Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the news breaking of Johnny Morris, founder of Bass Pro, making the Forbes 400 list of richest people in the nation, Springfield has just decided to make him mayor of the city. “If he could turn a bait-and-tackle shop to a multimillion dollar corporation, what will he be able to do with […]
Hammons, Pitt & Morris Combine to Defeat Mayan Apocalypse, World Celebrates
Springfield, MO – After months of secret collaborative efforts three native Springfield businessmen have successfully thwarted the impending doom predicted by final days of the Mayan Calendar. John Q. Hammons, Brad Pitt and Johnny Morris appeared disheveled and bruised early this morning but beamed proudly at their world-saving accomplishment. According to reports, the men played […]
FCN Goes Dark for 24 Hours
Springfield, MO – Fair City News is going dark today not in support of the SOPA and PIPA protest, but to promote world peace. World peace and one hundred million dollars….in unmarked, non-sequentially numbered small denominations. Yes, Fair City News is going dark today for world peace, one hundred million dollars in small unmarked bills […]
Springfield Cardinals Extends Offer to Pujols
Springfield, MO – Jumping into the Albert Pujols race at the last minute is the local Texas League AA affiliate, the Springfield Cardinals. Following the revelation that the Miami Marlins dropped out of the race, the little Cards decided that they should join the Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and St. Louis Cardinals […]
SGF Cardinals Adopt “Rally Bass”
Springfield, MO – To capitalize on the success of the St. Louis Cardinals rally squirrel, the local farm team has adopted a team mascot equally powerful in producing wins. The new mascot has ties to the Ozarks and is simply known as the “Rally Bass”. The Rally Bass was first seen floppin’ his way from […]
Trap Door/Wolf Pit Added To John L. Morris’s Office
Springfield, MO—Last week John L. Morris, owner of Bass Pro, defended a need for trap-door/wolf pit added to his office. “I know due to the tough economic times many higher levels executives are called to tone down superficial items. But, a hidden trap door leading to a wolf pit is an absolute necessity,” stated […]
Bass Pro Opens Bass Amateur
Springfield, MO – According to sources, Bass Pro shops has opened a pilot store in town targeting those who are not quite comfortable with their outdoor skills. Bass Amateur, or BassAm, is located on N. Campbell Avenue, next to the existing store. “BassAm is comfortable to me because I don’t have to pretend I know […]
Outlaw Gang Tracked to Sherwood Forrest
Springfield, MO—Greene County Sheriff’s deputies have tracked an outlaw gang to a Southside neighborhood in Greene County known as Sherwood Forrest located off highway 160 or Campbell Avenue. According to reports, the gang is responsible for multiple thefts across the city, numerous acts of mischief and several drive by arrow shootings. Local resident Gloria Shiffold […]
New Signs Promote New Sign Locations
Springfield, MO—City officials hope that new signs located around town will better inform citizens on the best place to find new signs. Originally meant to point tourists to locations such as Bass Pro Shops, Battlefield Mall and Commercial Street, the new wayfarer signs will instead point to new sign locations. “We were so proud of […]
BPS Attraction Rejects US Currency
Springfield, MO— Due to the declining value of the United States dollar, tourism officials at Bass Pro Shops have decided to no longer accept the American currency at the request of King George. Specifically, the Bass Pro Shops alligator, King George, has requested that no US quarters be tossed into his swamp exhibit. He does, […]
Bass Pro Shops Enlists Uncle Buck and Calendar Girls as Driver and Crew
Springfield, MO—In a deal announced last week, Martin Truex Jr.’s move to the Michael Waltrip Racing team means the NASCAR driver is donning Napa Auto Parts’ name instead of Bass Pro Shops. BPS has announced that they will employ longtime brand ambassador Uncle Buck to race and his team of aging calendar girls to work […]
