All Entries Tagged With: "basketball"
Drury Audience Amused with Duke Coach’s Name
Springfield, MO – Fans of Drury basketball were entertained this weekend by a tricky college basketball name, Mike Krzyzewskie. “Ker-zoo-ski, sure had a heck of a team. Sounds like he walked into a good recruiting situation…I couldn’t imagine most families sending their sons off to play for someone who they couldn’t even pronounce. ‘My son […]
Globetrotters vs. Baldknobbertrotters at Silver Dollar City
Branson, MO – After purchasing the rights to the Harlem Globetrotters, Silver Dollar City parent company HFE, is planning to build a new section of the park to feature the traveling basketball team and provide an arena for “home” games. While appearing at the Silver Dollar City Arena the team will play a stooge team […]
Office Worker Lives A Lie During Bracket Water Cooler Conservation
Springfield, MO- Winston Baxter had to face yet another day of deceit and deception when he had to fake a basic knowledge of NCAA tournament play. Winston, who knows nothing about any form of sports whatsoever, feels that unless he tricks his fellow co-workers to believe he knows/cares about college basketball he will not be […]
Hologram Charlie Spoonhour to Coach Bears
Springfield, MO—Missouri State University Men’s Basketball team has a new leader on the court after the athletic department announced that they would be relying on a hologram of Charlie Spoonhour to coach the team. “It makes a lot of sense for us to bring back Coach Spoonhour, albeit as a digital projection of his […]
Kyle Weems To Run For Mayor
Springfield MO – Kyle Weems was late getting to the press conference to discuss the Missouri State’s basketball involvement in the NIT postseason tournament. He was seen shaking hands with fans, hugging old ladies and kissing babies. When he finally took his seat he had the following comments. “Look I am glad as the next […]
MSU Bears Offer Pacemakers to Fans
Springfield, MO—The Missouri State University athletics department will be offering branded pacemakers to any interested fans due to the heart-racing ending of most men’s basketball games. Pacemakers can be picked up at the JQH Arena ticket booth Monday through Friday from 1-4 pm. “We’re literally killing our fans with excitement, each game is coming down […]
Local Man Text Jinxes Bears
Springfield, MO—Local man Jacob Porter texted his fellow Alpha Kappa Gonga brothers at the end of the Missouri State Bears game with the phrase “Bears 2 win, fo sho” a mere 90 seconds before the end of the game effectively cursing the men’s basketball team to a road loss. “Everybody knows with the game on […]
Basketball Star To Play At Middle School
Springfield MO.- Charlie Quirk, a Glendale High School senior, who was recently declared ineligible to play in this final year by the Missouri State High School Activities Association will play instead for Carver Middle School. Apparently a loophole in MSHSAA guidelines does not prevent a player transferring back to middle school if high school credits are […]
MSU Bears Land 2019 Recruit
Springfield MO – The Missouri State basketball program has landed a future recruit for the upcoming 2019 season. Joey Jones a 3-foot 4-inch player from McGregor Elementary gave an oral commitment yesterday to sign with the Bears when he becomes old enough. “It’s a big relief not having to worry about where I am going […]
NCAA Bracket Still Good For Something
Springfield, MO—According to reports, 9 out of 10 Ozarkers have a NCAA men’s basketball bracket that was rendered totally useless over the past weekend. Before scrapping the physical evidence of personal guessing stupidity, consider alternate uses for the “page of shame”. Locals have begun to ban together to add their brackets to the recycling center. […]
Office Worker Bets Future on NCAA Tourney
Springfield, MO—Stuck in a low income, dead-end job, Joan Embers has placed her children’s future on the results of the NCAA Men’s Tournament this week. Placing “$25,000 on a whim is stupid, but placing it on a sure winner is pure genius,” said Embers. According to Embers, she employed a sophisticated style of selection process […]
Boomer Bear Totally Whacked Dude With T-Shirt
Springfield, MO—A local Bears fan was totally whacked in the face with a t-shirt propelled by Missouri State University athletic mascot Boomer Bear during the MSU vs. Southern Illinois University game last night. Witnesses said the incident was quite amusing as the fan turned his head right into the whirling wrapped wardrobe shot from a […]
Tournament of Champions Produces 7 Losers
Springfield, MO—Moral victories will be handed out this weekend at The Tournament of Champions as eight elite basketball teams battle it out to produce seven eventual short comers and one true champion. TOC execs confessed that “Tournament of Champions” tends to have a more positive spin and sells more tickets than the more accurate named […]
John Q. Hammons Changes Name To Unpronounceable Symbol
Springfield–In a move that’s destined to have major ramifications for area hotels, convention centers, baseball stadiums, basketball arenas, office buildings, medical facilities, thoroughfares, residence halls, architectural fountains, and statues, local business magnate John Q. Hammons has announced that he is changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol: ℑ. “I read about this kinda thing a […]
Tyler Hansbrough to lead new NBA team in SEMO
Favorite son returns to hometown with new professional team P.B. Jays. Poplar Bluff, MO – Tyler Hansbrough plans to found a new NBA team after completing his tenure with the University of North Carolina. The Tar Heels power forward says, “the people of Poplar Bluff deserve professional basketball, and I plan to bring it to […]
