All Entries Tagged With: "Association football"
Priest Holmes Inducted Due to Fantasy Value
Springfield, MO—Former NFL running back, Priest Holmes was swarmed by uber-fantasy football geeks on Sunday eager to meet the man who propelled them to fantasy victories. This past weekend, Holmes was inducted into the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame for his contributions to fantasy football players in Missouri. Said one attendee, Norm Hamilton, “I had […]
Hooligans at Gastropub Consume Packaged Foods
Springfield, MO—After watching Germany beat England, hooligans demonstrated their displeasure at Farmers Gastropub by consuming processed foods flown in from around the country. The pub opened early for World Cup fans and the owners had no idea that hooligans would disrupt the restaurant after such a poor showing among the English soccer team. Said one […]
Raw Emotion Contained By Cubicle
Springfield, MO—Randy Hulstalk* successfully contained his raw emotion for the US National soccer team within his cubicle Wednesday. During the USA v. Algeria FIFA World Cup game, Hulstalk secretly streamed the match on his computer monitor, a major violation of company office policies. He successfully stifled his screams, shouting and even pumped his arms in […]
Sumbitch Redneck Admits Soccer is “Entertaining”
Springfield, MO—Joe Marshall, local sumbitch redneck, admitted Saturday that watching the FIFA World Cup games were in fact “entertaining as greasin’ up a sow and sticking yams to her face.” Marshall spent Saturday afternoon watching the United States National team battle it out on the pitch with great enthusiasm. “I wuz watching our boys rip […]
