All Entries Tagged With: "Arts"
Centerfold Strip Club Opens “Fishing Pond” For Ultimate Man Experience
Springfield, MO- With Centerfold Strip Club already offering steak, suds, and strippers, the business recently added one more manly endeavor to the mix: fishing. A domed complex was added behind the main dance floor so patrons can calming fish while watching fine ladies dance to their pleasure. “We are going to offer numerous packages,” states […]
Facial Follicle Fashion Competition This Weekend!
Springfield, MO – For those fascinated with facial follicle fashion, get ready to face some serious competition! Competitors from around the Ozarks are gathering at Patton Alley Pub this Saturday to prove that their genetic coding has superior follicle frolicking. Queen City Beards hosts the event and expects several male and female entries this year. […]
Kaleidoscope Pierces Building Just Because It Can
Springfield, MO – Local trend-setting retail shop Kaleidoscope pierced an entire building just because they can. The building piercing was executed under supervision of several construction supervisors and 2 health inspectors. The piercing was performed as a promotional event to emphasize how piercings can be applied just about anywhere. “Yeah I hired Kaleidoscope to pierce […]
Residents Mourn Inevitable Closing of Newly Opened Store
Springfield, MO – Downtown Springfield shoppers got a treat this Monday when “Munch ‘n Muse” treated customers to free peach vegemite cupcakes during their grand opening celebration. The store, which sells designer cupcakes, indigenous Australian artifacts, and locally produced art and figurines, will cater to downtown shoppers looking for a creative gift or snack- until […]
Indie Film/News/Music Channel Hits Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Former television station KSFX becomes KOZL Ozarks Local today, and will serve as the Ozarks first indie, or independent, outlet for information in our area. The new station will pride itself by showcasing local independent bands, motion pictures and will feature 24 hours of news not mandated by the “fox”, er “man”. […]
Movie House Allows Smoking, Drinking & Texting
Outside City Limits – According to sources, the recent mobile phone ban at Campbell 16 Cine has convinced a local entrepreneur to begin construction on the Vice Theater, a movie house that will allow customers to do as they please while watching their favorite flicks. The Vice will serve beer and wine, have a […]
KRBK Hires Snuffy
Springfield, MO – New FOX affiliate KRBK announced today that they’ve hired beloved Sesame Street icon Mr. Snuffleupagus as their new spokesman. Snuffy, as he’s commonly known commented “KRBK is a great station, they’re just like me…no one believes they exist, but I do. Big Bird can see both of us.” KRBK stated “We […]
Nation’s Remaining Unwanted VHS Found in Local Flea Markets
Springfield, MO – The American Film Institute has commissioned the flea markets of Springfield, Missouri, to become the official historical preservation sites of the nation’s remaining supply of unwanted VHS movies. AFI officials awarded the prestigious honor only after an extensive evaluation of many cities. The results showed that Springfield’s local flea markets have […]
Area Nerds Just Wait In Line All Summer
Springfield, MO- Numerous area nerds decided to simply wait all summer in line due to the variety of nerdy movies playing this season. The nerds, on summer break from their computer science studies from MSU, thought being able to get great seats at various midnight showings is much better than having a normal social […]
Pole Dance Workout Offered at Pony Club
Springfield, MO—The Pony Club, a local gentlemen’s club, is offering pole-dancing workouts during the day in an attempt to reach a new crowd of local health-seeking patrons. The classes will be offered during the club’s off hours, at 8, 9 and 10 am Monday through Friday. “We thought we could capitalize on our empty […]
Being Social…
Being social is not as fun as it used to be. It has become a lot more difficult as I get older as is the case with frequent urination and an overall inability to control my anger towards slow drivers and balloon making clowns. Frankly, I find that having to be social has become the […]
Bungholes Targeted in Springfield Area
Springfield, MO—According to John Millerstone, Springfield motorists have been tasked with reporting bungholes to the city to aid in the clean up of the Bunghole Patrol. “Yeah, I just heard it on the radio. They need help cleaning up the city streets and getting rid of all the bungholes in our community,” said Millerstone, “I […]
Gillioz Bankruptcy Boosts Ticket Sales
Springfield, MO—According to sources, the “going out of business” hype surrounding the Gillioz Theatre has been the best PR any business could hope to have. From the time the original loans were called in to the announcement of filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, ticket sales have been rapidly rising. “When I heard the theatre […]
McDonald’s Squawk Box Changes Voice
Nixa, MO—According to reports, a person with multiple personalities is working the drive thru at McDonald’s in Southwest Missouri. Leonard Hillary, a local customer, claims that every time he visits the McDonald’s located on HWY 14 near US 160 the person asking for his order uses two different voices. “I pulled up and this woman […]
Good Song Blamed for Speeding
Springfield, MO—On Tuesday, Jimmy Galtert of Republic, gave what he considered a reasonable explanation to his excessive speed heading west on Sunshine street: a really good song came on the radio. “So there I was in my 2003 Ford Focus when Guns and Roses’ Paradise City began to play on the radio. I immediately hit […]
