All Entries in the "Travel" Category
Airplane Finally Lands at SGF Airport
Springfield, MO—A homemade Pipistrel airplane, holding two men, has finally landed now that the Springfield-Branson National Airport has finally reopened. “For Pete’s sake it is a national airport. I didn’t expect it to be shut down for three-four days,” said the pilot, Nick Shelby, upon landing, “you don’t see Regan or O’Hare closing for […]
Mayo-44 Named for Miracle Whiplash Crash
Springfield, MO—Following the great mayonnaise truck wreck on I-44, city officials have decreed that the stretch of road coated in the thick, creamy substance be renamed Mayo-44 to honor the one-in-a-million miracle whiplash crash. “Not only did the driver walk away unharmed but the entire interstate was covered in God’s snot, mayonnaise,” said Missouri Highway […]
No Pants Celebrated at Local Subway
Springfield, MO—Local participants in the “No Pants Subway Ride Day” had little choice to display their pant-less selves other than at the local Subway restaurant. Scores of Ozarkers showed up to the Subway location at 605 E. Harrison Street to take part in the global annual tradition started by Improv Everywhere in 2002. “We here […]
Branson Belle Sucked Into Branson Triangle
Branson, MO—Saturday night the Showboat Branson Belle fell into the dangerous grip of the Branson Triangle, an area where a number of aircraft and surface vessels allegedly and mysteriously disappear. The Branson Triangle, a region near State Park Marina on Table Rock Lake, was blamed for creating gusts of 45-miles-per-hour and causing a problem with […]
TSA Implements Hokey Pokey At SGF Airport
Springfield, MO— The head of the Transportation Security Administration said Sunday that he would try to make airport screening “as minimally invasive as possible,” and introduced a new screening procedure that includes dancing the “Hokey Pokey” which will replace aggressive pat-downs that have rankled passengers and lawmakers. As the busy travel season approaches, TSA agents […]
First Airport Diverging Diamond Runways Opens
Springfield, MO—Just a month after completing the second diverging diamond intersection in Springfield at National Ave. and James River Freeway, city and airport officials held a ribbon cutting on Monday to celebrate the “first-in-the-nation” diverging diamond runways at the Springfield Branson National Airport. The $22 million dollar project is being hailed by city officials as […]
Icelandic Volcano Affects Ozarks
Springfield, MO—According to reports, Ozarkers have been severely affected by the volcanic eruption in Iceland. Several SGFers have claimed the eruption as a disruption in their daily lives. “I was a model husband until that volacano erupted, since then I’ve had three mistrissess and my infidelity sees no end,” said Robert Geohorn. “My fried chicken […]
Nonstop Flights Hold Passengers Captive
Branson, MO—Branson Airport has added two new nonstop flights that never stop. Branson AirExpress, operated by ExpressJet Airlines, will operate the nonstop flights May 17th. The nonstop flights are a first for the airport which usually operates between destinations. Offering nonstop flights comes with unique requirements such as mid-air refueling and restocking of supplies. The […]
Ozarks Reportedly Forced Into Time Warp
Springfield, MO—Local residents were reportedly forced into a strange and unexpected time warp Sunday which may be linked to an ancient tradition of sun worship. Several residents experienced the movement of time and space by exactly one hour. “I woke up and started getting ready when I noticed that my phone and computer clocks were […]
Springfield’s Lil’ Tombstone Recognized
Springfield, MO—The business district north of Glenstone and Sunshine, unofficially known as Lil’ Tombstone, has officially been awarded the “Best Themed Business Zone” for 2010. Lil’ Tombstone businesses include Coyote’s Adobe Café, Ben’s Carriage House, Midnight Cowboy, Herradura Mexican Restaurant and The Pony Club. Lil’ Tombstone offers Springfieldians the opportunity to hitch their horse at […]
Branson Airport Adds Animal Mounts to Planes
Springfield, MO—Not to be outdone by the Springfield-Branson National Airport’s increase in passengers, the Branson Airport has unveiled plans to add hunting trophies to the interior of each flight arriving and departing from the terminal. “Most airports have distinct personalities, we have a rustic outdoor sporting feel and the taxidermy has been a welcome addition […]
John Q de Hotelier Statue Announced
Branson, MO—New statue plans were announced today to honor James Quentin Hammons, the holiest of hoteliers. Known as an American businessman and one of the nation’s premier developers of upscale luxury hotels and resorts, “John Q”, has conveyed a message of representing the general public and progress in Springfield, Missouri and beyond. Overlooking Table Rock […]
Secret Society Implements Symbol in Springfield Road Construction
Springfield, MO—Conspiracy theorists are claiming that the FreeDiamonds, an underground group in the Ozarks, is implementing a wicked secret symbol in the construction of diverging diamonds into everyday society. The existing and proposed locations of these traffic designs are said to form a satanic goat head with four existing points that represent fire, water, earth […]
Line of Disappointed Public Transit Seekers at Trolley’s
Springfield, MO—Occasionally long lines of commuters seeking a ride through the city will form outside Trolley’s, a popular downtown Springfield restaurant. Last weekend more than 35 people assembled waiting to purchase a seat on Springfield’s Trolley. “The sign says ‘Trolley’s’ so there better be a dang ol’ electric powered car to haul my butt around,” […]
Prehistoric Monument Found at Interchange
Springfield, MO— A prehistoric monument was uncovered in southern Greene County today at the U.S. 65-U.S. 60 interchange and dubbed “Springhenge”. The iconic stone monument is composed of earthworks lined in a setting of large standing stones and sits at the centre of the densest complex of Ozarkian and Springfieldian forests in Missouri, including several […]
