All Entries in the "Entertainment" Category
Springfield Cardinals Extends Offer to Pujols
Springfield, MO – Jumping into the Albert Pujols race at the last minute is the local Texas League AA affiliate, the Springfield Cardinals. Following the revelation that the Miami Marlins dropped out of the race, the little Cards decided that they should join the Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and St. Louis Cardinals […]
Trip Good…Travel Bad…
Springfield, MO – I love vacation as much as the next person but the travel has simply become too much to take. You might as well expect to get spitting angry somewhere between point A and point B. One thing that might help is to know what you might expect from those you are traveling […]
Big Smith Splits; Announces Reunion Tour
Springfield, MO – After nearly 15 years of touring, recording and performing the most original sound to come out of the Ozarks, local group Big Smith has announced that they are unplugging their 12” 3-speed oscillating band. Reunion tour details are forthcoming, however it will be known as “Bigger Smith”. Professor of Musicology, Rand Jonserson […]
New Digital Road Signs Offer Vague Advice
Springfield, MO – Distant and vague messages such as “Seatbelts Save Lives”, and “Speed Limit Enforced” have begun to appear on Springfield’s newest digital road signs begging the question: why? Local motorist Luke Feelyajum said, “I thought the messages would be a bit more useful than what I’ve seen so far. Perhaps a […]
Strafford Schools Adopt Chupacabra as School Mascot
Strafford, MO – After the recent capture of the mythical creature and cryptozoological wonder, the Chupacabra, Strafford school district has decided to adopt the creature as their newest mascot. “Known as the donkey-sucker, we thought it would be the perfect intimidation factor when we play our opponents on the athletic field or on the […]
How Rude Comic Strip
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Dorial Green-Beckham Catches Ball, Runs Length of United States
Springfield, MO – Hillcrest High School senior football wide receiver Dorial Green-Beckham broke a national record tonight by catching a slant pass and running to Washington State in record time. No other athlete has ever attempted this feat and DGB didn’t know that he had completed a record-breaking catch until he reached the Pacific […]
Record High for Ozark Haunted House Foreclosures
Springfield MO- Haunted house foreclosures in the Ozarks are at an all-time high leaving various ghouls, ghost and other creatures of the night homeless. Because of the foreclosures the abominations of evil are having to move into hotels, stay at relative’s houses, or (in case of trolls) pan handle under a bridge. Many are […]
Shooting Range Hosts Gangsta Day
Ash Grove, MO – The Andy Dalton shooting range is vying to attract more urban sportsman by holding its first annual “Gangsta Days”. Younger shooters are increasingly hard to come by and the “Gansta Days” event is targeted at the youth of the Ozarks. “Inner city kids relate to Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and […]
Human Models Put Mannequins Out of Work
Springfield, MO – People gathered and gawked outside of Staxx and Moda at last weekend’s Art Walk, admiring the realness and mobility of the mannequins standing in the business’ windows. It was later discovered that the mannequins were actually human models, wearing human clothes and standing as still as humanly possible, just like mannequins […]
SGF Cardinals Adopt “Rally Bass”
Springfield, MO – To capitalize on the success of the St. Louis Cardinals rally squirrel, the local farm team has adopted a team mascot equally powerful in producing wins. The new mascot has ties to the Ozarks and is simply known as the “Rally Bass”. The Rally Bass was first seen floppin’ his way from […]
Amazon Introduces The Kindling for Ozarks Book Burners
Republic, MO- After the banning of certain books by the Republic School board, Amazon decided that the Springfield area would be the perfect place to beta test the new Kindling. With its gasoline-infused wood paneling and faulty circuit board, The Kindling is perfect for book burning. The Kindling is priced at 200 dollars and […]
CU Lands on Cloud City for Bus Hub
Springfield, MO – Local City Utility officials have decided that the best option for building a new bus transfer station will be in the sky. Bus Cloud Station 14 will be built by 2014 and will hover above downtown Springfield, directly above the existing bus station. “It really is a great solution, we don’t […]
