All Entries in the "Entertainment" Category
First Man on Moon Aided by Steroids
Marshfield, MO – The United States Anti-Doping Agency, in an ever-continuing effort to aggressively attack all things Armstrong, has announced that according to the replica Hubble Telescope in Marshfield, Missouri – Neil Armstrong had once tested positive for anabolic steroids. Only weeks after the legendary astronaut and first man on the moon, died from complications […]
NFL Hires Sammy B. Good as Referee
Springfield, MO – National Football League (NFL) officials have a new face to help call games – Sammy B. Good. Good was added to the officiating ranks to help add credibility to the struggling replacement refs who have yet to gain the full confidence of NFL players, coaches, fans, people who prefer ballet, aborigines, and […]
Cox Health Opens “The Cup” Sports Medicine Center
Springfield, MO – Cox Health has opened a new sports medicine center in the Bone & Joint Center on National Street and will be commonly known as the Cup. Cox Health employees will be strictly forbidden to refer to the structure as the Cup, yet many citizens have already latched onto the name. “The Cox […]
Chicago Cubs Somehow Pave Way to Springfield Cardinals Championship
Springfield, MO – In an ironic twist of fate, the Double-A club affiliate of the freaking Cardinals has won a championship before the Major League Baseball club Chicago Cubs, however, the Cubs organization has placed a grandfather claim to the title as they were the last MLB team to previously have an affiliate in the […]
Cider Days Dubbed “Mutt’s Nuts” Day
Springfield, MO – Cider Days is eagerly anticipated each year by hundreds of dogs whose owners bring them along to the autumn festival. Dogs lucky enough to attend experience a ‘speed dating’ type of atmosphere where potential mates of all varie ties are easily accessible for inspection. “My dog just loves this festival, he is […]
NFL Uses Replacement Fans
Springfield, MO – The National Football League will open the regular season with replacement fans in the Ozarks on opening day. League executives told the 32 teams that negotiations remain at a standstill between the NFL and the officials’ union, prompting fans to be replaced week 1. The replacement fans will be in the stands […]
Highland Springs Accepts Zombie Members
Springfield, MO – Not to be outdone by Augusta National’s announcement of accepting two women into its club, Highland Springs Country Club (HSCC) is making headlines by accepting its first undead members. On Monday, two animated corpses–brought back to life by mystical means – were accepted into the fold. Hans Lumbering-Skullcracker and Lori Moldy-Armbiter were […]
Rogue Cow Tippers Accused of Overturning Truck
Springfield, MO- Traffic was at a stand still when a truck filled with 70 head of cattle was overturned on US Highway 60. Although the incident has been ruled accidental, many authorities believe it was the handy work of over zealous cow tippers. “Cow tipping has been escalating for some time now,” said Detective Randals […]
Maroney Not Impressed with New SDC Ride
Branson, MO – Silver Dollar City’s new roller coaster, Outlaw Run, was met with a lukewarm reception by American gymnast McKayla Maroney this week. The $10 million wooden roller coaster should be open next year and Maroney was invited to get a sneak peek at the structure while under construction. According to reports, Outlaw will […]
MAN VISITS OZARK EMPIRE FAIR TO RAISE SELF ESTEEM
Springfield, MO — During the summer, locals visit the Ozark Empire Fair for a variety of reasons–to ride rides, watch concerts, or just to enjoy the classy Northside atmosphere. However, one Springfield resident found his own reason to visit the Fairgrounds this week. “I just needed an ego boost,” said Walt Richie, “I figured doing […]
14-Year-Old Girl Nearly Died of Embarrassment at Ozark Empire Fair
Springfield, MO- Tragedy was adverted yesterday when 8th grader McKenna Barnsworth almost died by embarrassment caused by her totally lame dad, weirdo mother, and freakaziod little brother. Luckily McKenna left the fair before the embarrassment got to lethal levels. “I can’t believe you are doing this to me,” shouted McKenna on the way to the […]
