All Entries in the "Technology" Category
Ozarkians Remember Steve Jobs
Springfield, MO – With the passing of Steve Jobs, the visionary and co-founder of Apple, people from around the Ozarks are remembering his legacy and reflecting on the profound effect he had on their lives. “He made them iThingy’s right?” waxed Norma Grace Dean of Ava, MO, “I seen them once on the television, […]
Giant Fly Zapper Atop St. John’s Rids City of Mosquitoes
Springfield, MO—A new feature will be added to the cross that resides on St. John’s Hospital this Spring—a new zapper element to eliminate nuisance bugs in the Springfield area. The St. John’s bug zapper, known as Cross Zapper 3000, is anticipated to attract and kill more than 200,000 disease-carrying insects in a single evening. Pending […]
Nixa Software Opens For Agro-Techs
Nixa, MO—Seven acres of software opened in Christian County on Highway 14 and 160 this week as Nixa Software welcomes digital loving rural customers who will be provided with high-tech gear for getting chores done around the house or the ranch. “I bought my daddy a iPhone holder belt buckle, his phone just slides […]
Trap Door/Wolf Pit Added To John L. Morris’s Office
Springfield, MO—Last week John L. Morris, owner of Bass Pro, defended a need for trap-door/wolf pit added to his office. “I know due to the tough economic times many higher levels executives are called to tone down superficial items. But, a hidden trap door leading to a wolf pit is an absolute necessity,” stated […]
Fair City News Regresses in Technology
Springfield, MO—Local satire news publication Fair City News has regressed in technology going from online blog format to the printed press. The move was made 12 months ago and readers seem to have embraced the failure in tech-forward movement. “I personally thought the move to print was great, I always need a worthless rag to […]
Borders Building To House Barnes and Noble Servers
Springfield, MO- The old Border’s bookstore building has been purchased by Barnes and Noble to be used as storage for their various computer servers. Barnes and Noble, needing the extra server space and bandwidth to deal with the thousands of patrons visiting their web site every day, bought the building for 25 dollars and a […]
Apple Posts 2010 Profits Due To One Local Fanboy
Springfield, MO-Apple, the maker of the popular iPhone, iPad, Macintosh computers, and countless other technological gadgets posted a profit of 16 billion dollars for the year, 2010. “We’re excited about the numbers for the past year,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs. “It was a record year for the company and we would first and foremost […]
AgroMix Ozarks Fails To Deliver
Nixa, MO—It seemed like the perfect business plan in the red-hot social media boom, but a Nixa man’s agriculture-themed photo sharing site folded today, mere hours after its initial public offering failed to draw a single investor. “She’s as stillborn as a two-headed calf,” bemoaned LarryEarl Smith, founder and creator of the now defunct AgroMix […]
Google Crushes Local Mom and Pop Search Engine
Springfield, MO – Bob and Erma Matthews have been running Bob and Erma’s Search Engine for fifty one years from a small storefront on St. Louis Street. Those days will soon be coming to an end as Bob says they just can’t compete anymore. “The Google is just so fast, with access to so much […]
Southwest 3 On Its Way
Springfield MO – City officials announced today that the new City Utilities Southwest 2 power plant is such a big hit with the public, that plans for a new Southwest 3 power plant will soon be on its way. “After Southwest 2 was completed, I met with construction and union people and we all agreed […]
CU “Colon Blow” Continues at SW 2 Power Plant
Springfield, MO—Attempts to clean out boiler pipes of any debris at the new Southwest 2 Power Plant have local residents snickering every time a steady hiss of steam erupts from the plant. “I guess the natural gas they are using in the boiler needs a way out, too bad it is so loud, like a […]
MSU Receives TWI Alien Message On Lawn Art
Springfield, MO—MSU students received a message from aliens from the Altair solar system last night while hanging out at the giant space discs located at Grand and National Street. According to reports, the students were relaxing on what they considered works of art when they reportedly received thirteen 71 x 71 pixel images that included […]
McDonald’s Squawk Box Changes Voice
Nixa, MO—According to reports, a person with multiple personalities is working the drive thru at McDonald’s in Southwest Missouri. Leonard Hillary, a local customer, claims that every time he visits the McDonald’s located on HWY 14 near US 160 the person asking for his order uses two different voices. “I pulled up and this woman […]
Dogs Benefit From New Hydrant Color
Springfield, MO—Neighborhood dogs are getting an upgrade that no one would have expected thanks to local firefighters efforts to make fire hydrants more visible. Teams are currently working to repaint all 7,000 hydrants with a brighter, more reflective paint, which will improve urinal locations for all canines. “I’m just so excited that the City is […]
iPager Development at Jordan Valley Innovation Center
Springfield, MO— The Jordan Valley Innovation Center (JVIC), a Missouri State University research center, has been tied to rumors of Apple’s newest project; development of the iPager. Rumors began swirling after the release of the iPad, and through a network of confidants, it is 99% accurate that the JVIC will have a hand in the […]
