All Entries in the "Business" Category
Desperate Teen Forced to Use Desktop Computer
Springfield, MO- Local Hillcreast High School junior, Zach Slater, faced a horrible crisis yesterday when he had no choice, but to utilize an ancient device known has a “desktop computer.” With his smart phone left at his girlfriend’s house, his tablet’s charger no where to be found, and his Playstation Vita being used by his […]
Hobos Purchase Heer’s at Auction to Create Heer’s Hobo House
Springfield, MO – The iconic Heer’s building was sold at auction this week on the court house steps to a large group of hobos who are intending to turn the property into a high-profile hobo camp: Heer’s Hobo House. “Hobos are increasing in popularity, the fantastic lore, their travels and stories of adventure will finally […]
Decay Billboard Sends Powerful Message
Springfield, MO – A natural force known only as “decay” has reserved space on a right side north bound view billboard on Kansas Expressway. The purpose: to send a message that rot, corrosion and deterioration are constantly engaging in a war against humanity and we should always be prepared for decay no matter how subtle […]
Springfield City Sales Tax Continuation Reveals Horrifying Fine Print
Springfield, MO- Days after 74% of voters approved a sales tax continuation, law makers discovered small text that shows an insidious and terrifying side to the proposition. Although the continuation was said to improve Republic Road, the construction was also to release unspeakable evil. “We thought it was cut and dry until we say the […]
Time Traveler Warns Springfield About New Walmart’s Impact
Springfield, MO- A crowd was amazed yesterday when a time traveler hailing from Springfield’s near future decried the construction of the new Neighborhood market on Campbell Street. The traveler, named Kyle Reese, said that the market will spell doom for downtown, Springfield, and the world. Wearing super futuristic glasses and hair all spiked up and “future […]
“Southwest” Missouri State–Airline Purchases Naming Rights to University
Springfield, MO –The arrival of Southwest Airlines to the Ozarks is bringing yet another change – naming rights to Missouri State University. The agreement was announced on Wednesday and many fans and critics were quick to passionately express their feelings regarding the University’s nomenclature. “I’m so excited about the global implications of the new airline […]
Locals Disagree Over Use of Train Junk in Jordan Valley Renovations
Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley: West Meadows is currently entering the first stages of receiving a major cleanup and redevelopment. The once thriving rail way is being transformed into a new park and greenway for the city of Springfield. Efforts are currently underway to recycle abandoned train garbage and filter soils contaminated by overturned boxcars […]
New Downtown Walmart Offers Cool Hipster Hangout
Springfield, MO- With the new Walmart successfully rezoned near downtown, Walmart Spokesmen assures downtown regulars that this won’t be their “Father’s Wal-Mart”. The downtown Walmart is promised to bring a vibrant, cultural experience to area youths. “Listen, we understand what you cats are jiving about,” says 58 year old Walmart public relations manager, Kurt Stevens, […]
Romantic People of Walmart in SGF
SPRINGFIELD (MO) – Many Springfield residents met last week to discuss the pros and cons of building a new Walmart store in the downtown area. After more than an hour of impassioned pleas from the gallery, the Springfield Zoning and Planning Commission recommended approval for a Walmart Neighborhood Market near the intersection of Campbell and […]
Start-Button Black Hole Discovered In Parking Lot
Springfield, MO – Hundreds of start-button automobile owners are falling victim to the electronic black hole situated miles beneath the parking lot at James River Town Center, a shopping destination on East Independence Street. “We pulled in, parked and shopped at Kohl’s for about 40 minutes. When we came out our new car wouldn’t start. […]
Local Man Launches New Asocial Network
SPRINGFIELD, MO – Anti-Zuckerbergians across the world may find a new hero here in the good old Ozarks in well-known local entrepreneur Willie Czonka. Czonka announced recently the launching of a new asocial networking site aptly named InYourFacebook, which promises a creative outlet for curmudgeons, cuckolds, catamounts, cranks and crackpots. “Many of us are thoroughly […]
Mom and Pop Sex Shops Driven out of Business By Evil Corporations
Springfield, MO- The main street of yesteryear faced a huge blow yesterday when yet another mom and pop shop went out of business. The “Paradise” sex shop, which has been apart of the Appleton family for generations, was brought out by the faceless entity known as “Romantixxx”. “This is a real shame,” says great-grandma Marlene […]
Fiscal Cliff Protest Jump Planned at Table Rock Lake
Branson, MO – Thousands of fiscally-minded citizens plan to jump into icy water at the Swings cliff on Table Rock Lake to garner attention and avert the budgetary collision of tax hikes and spending cuts that threaten the U.S. economic recovery this week. Event organizers have registered hoards of cliff jumpers eager to pay $25 […]
First Name Basis Only Commercial Zone on Campbell Ave.
Springfield, MO – Sam’s, Casey’s, Freddy’s, Andy’s, and Famous Dave’s are taking advantage of specially zoned area on either side of south Campbell avenue, accessible via the gateway to first name business land: James River Expressway. Companies whose dba reflects a male or female first name have been incented to locate along this strip of […]
Santa Fe Grill hosts SGF Santacon
Springfield, MO – Local eatery Santa Fe Grill will be turning into the “Santa” Grill this season as holidays heat up and patrons are looking for more festive dining options. One of the events of Santa Grill will be a new Springfield tradition based on Santacon in NYC, San Francisco and other nationwide locations. “Santacon […]
