Nation’s First Open Jug Law Enacted in Christian County

Mountain dew on the square!

Ozark, MO – Caving to pressure from local lobbyist efforts, Christian County has agreed to allow open jugs without penalty starting June 3^rd. Influential groups of Ozarkers have been calling for the leniency for years suggesting that native people were being denied their ancestral right to carry around a moonshine jug without fear of persecution.

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Policymakers heard several round of arguments from multiple residents of the area, several of whom are not pleased by the ruling. “Seriously? People are going to think that we are a bunch of slack-jawed hillbillies living down here,” said Heather Narawiff, “who to God still drinks from a moonshine jug in the first place?”

According to polls, conducted during the legislative effort, more Baldknobers indicated that they would be more inclined to relocate to the area if open jugs laws were modified. “This really is a win-win situation. With one act of policy change we can now celebrate our heritage and encourage more homesteading in Christian County,” said board member Carol Drogsby while drinking shine from an open jug.