Hammons’ Statue Tells Fortunes for Quarter

Fortune teller machine dispenses business insights

Springfield, MO—To dispense the considerable business knowledge acquired by local hotelier, John Q. Hammons, his likeness has been converted into a fortune telling machine. Those who seek business knowledge can be transformed from business novice to savvy professional one quarter at a time.

“Let’s be honest, John hasn’t felt very good recently. We were looking for a way to share the insights and business acumen he has acquired over the years. The Hammons Fortune Teller seems to fit the bill perfectly. It dispenses tidbits of information to the general public and is accessible all day, every day so any ‘John Q.’ can benefit from Hammons’ experience,” said Loren Epsom, a professor of business.

George Heffer, a local pipe cleaning business owner said, “I visited the Hammons Fortune Teller before I applied for a small business loan. The insights I gleaned from the ticker tape pushed out of the statue’s base gave me the insider knowledge I needed to secure the loan and save my business – thanks John Q.!”

The new attraction has drawn business professionals from across the country. Most have reported positive experiences, however, one man claims to have switched bodies with his son after visiting Hammons Fortune Teller. He is currently looking for a way to reverse the body transformation, while enjoying the benefits of living life as a 16-year-old once again.

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