Long’s Pedicurist Leaks Reelection Slogan

New slogan revealed in the nails

Springfield, MO—In the wake of the November 2 election, Billy Long’s camp has wasted no time in putting together a plan for his reelection campaign.  According to a woman who identifies herself as Long’s pedicurist, Long will abandon his extremely popular “Fed Up?” slogan in 2012.  The pedicurist, who would like to remain nameless, claims that Long was alerted of the need for a different slogan by a stripper who was feeding him steaks from her cleavage one night at Metropolitan Grill.

The stripper is believed to have laid out a very rational argument regarding the absurdities of having a slogan solely focused on disgust with Washington once Long himself becomes one of the multitude of congressional “cronies” that his campaign decried.

This message was not easy for Long to understand as his ears (along with every other orifice) were being stuffed with money from his many campaign donors at the time.  But, according to the pedicurist, once the message sunk in, Long wasted no time in thinking about the future.

Long considered many options that would shift the focus away from being fed up to being extremely pleased.  The initial concept was to be “Go, Go, Status Quo,” but it was quickly noted that “status quo” was not a term that most of Long’s supporters would understand.  After that, the slogans began to carry on the same vague, dim-witted tone as his immensely successful “Fed Up?”  Options such as, “Yessiree,” “That’s the Good Stuff,” and “Love Me Long Time” were considered.  Eventually, Long and his staff settled on “Heck Yup!” thus keeping the familiar two-word-plus-punctuation form to communicate a vague, yet evocative, message.

The question remains as to why Long would divulge such information to a pedicurist.  However, she claims that Long has been a frequent client who utilizes her services in order to remain a Washington outsider.  According to the pedicurist, Long determined that congressmen do not paint their toenails, and this small feat of rebellion would allow him to remain steadfastly unique even when he appears to behave exactly like every other congressperson of the past 50 years.  When told that congresswomen might have their toenails painted too, Long responded by asking, “But will they also be going commando?”

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