Cold Prevents Zombie Uprising

Surveillance camera captures zombies fearing cold temps

Springfield, MO – Insiders learned that hundreds of undead have postponed plans to overtake Springfield, MO due to frigid temperatures during a breach in a zombie gathering today beneath the city in a tunnel near downtown.

“I hear them say ‘too cold’ and ‘postpone’ in between disjointed moans,” said Alex Lopinop, a zombie hunter and founder of Zombies In Our Nation (Z.I.O.N). Lopinop is a world-renowned zombie hunter and has been stationed in Greene County for several months tracking, monitoring and taking out threatening zombies when necessary.
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According to Lopinop, “Based on intelligence we have gathered, I was expecting a real coming out party Halloween night. Talking zombies in the streets, taking over the airport and invading homes. When I was crouched behind a pile of blankets under the city, I was relieved to translate the zombie communications as ‘weather too cold, postpone to warmer temperatures.’”

Officials had been preparing for an event such as this but will now suspend all activities for civilian protection, rescue and zombie tracking until temperatures begin to rise. “We feel completely safe. There is nothing to fear tonight,” said one city official.