Dead Bodies Cremated via Fireworks Display

Oohs and uhhs for spectators holding their breath

Springfield, MO – Starting this Saturday, Greenfawn Memorial Gardens will showcase its first ever fireworks display by strapping dead bodies to large pyrotechnics in order to cremate dead people with a big bang. These heavy-duty fireworks are manufactured to be attached to dead bodies by PM Pyrotechnics.  The inaugural display will be near Greenfawn Memorial Gardens.
“We are anxious to see the first of what we hope to be many of these unique fireworks displays. We’re eager to see if all of the pyrotechnics will explode the bodies sufficiently and not leave arms, legs and spleens tumbling into nearby neighborhoods,” said Lonnie Blister, “this is an exciting service which will please and entertain our barbarian community and we hope to minimize any ‘duds’ which would produce a ‘corpse-on-the-highway’ scenario. It’s all very exciting!”
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Greenfawn Funeral Homes collaborated with PM Pyrotechnics in 2014.  Through this partnership, they have the ability to create a beautiful and meaningful tribute by attaching exploding rockets to deceased family member’s bodies. These in-air cremations can be displayed in a breathtaking fireworks shows of one’s choosing. Families can choose from varying noise levels, colors and can even synch the event to music. “Think I’m gonna choose ‘Pump up the Jams’ when we light up grandma next year. She loves that song,” said Nelly Pertado of Nixa, MO.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the rate of firing dead bodies into the sky and blowing them to smithereens is climbing.