Royals Win; Hell Drops to 60 Degrees

Royals fans celebrate with gear from ‘85

Springfield, MO – According to statisticians, the core temperature of hell has dropped significantly but not quite to freezing temperatures as the Kansas City Royals advance to the World Series, an event they haven’t participated in for over 29 years.

“In honor of George Brett, I’m going to cover myself in pine tar and run screaming through the streets,” said Norie Greeger of Springfield.

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“I’m grateful that we have an opportunity to play in the World Series, but really the Cardinals could be our opponent again…seriously? Looking forward to another I-70 series!” said Hutch VanBotch of Nixa, MO.

Springfield fans have segregated the city allowing KC fans to celebrate on the East side, while Cardinal fans are relegated to the West side of the city. Chicago Cubs fans have been invited to watch the games from the underground recesses of downtown Springfield.