Mobile Car Compactor Solves MSU Parking Problem

Car smasher fits more cars into parking spaces

Springfield, MO – Missouri State University officials acknowledged campus parking has been causing extra challenges this fall, because of more students and new construction so they have implemented a plan to bring in a mobile car compactor to help alleviate parking congestion.

“When I hear a complaint that says there is no where to park, that’s simply not true,” said one official, “With our new mobile car compactor we will be able to fit more cars into tighter, more convenient spaces, which should please our student population.”

The university received a $500,000 grant from the U.S. Department of Transportation to purchase the mobile car compactor and operate it across the sprawling campus parking lots.
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“We’re getting close to the point where we need to add parking and we certainly could add more convenient parking.”

MSU’s parking-transit deparment reportedly issued 12,789 parking permits this semester and is looking forward to fewer multiple offenders in the near future. “This guy always, always parks here on the sidewalk, blocking traffic,” said Huey Figerton while crushing the 98 Firebird into a pancake with the mobile car crusher, “he won’t be parking here any more. We’re moving him up closer to Strong Hall. He can pick up his vehicle there.”

Parking officers will voluntarily crush a car for as little as 15 dollars, but those who are caught parking illegally will be fined 75 dollars for the service. “We’ve finally found a way to fit 12,780 parking permits into 8,500 parking spots on our campus,” said one official.