Cox Hospitals Pioneers Base Jumping Therapy for Constipation

Therapy at work

Springfield, MO – Willis McWilliams successfully scared the crap out of himself, and everyone else over the weekend by climbing a large crane on the campus of Cox Hospital. Doctors were baffled by failed attempts to find a cure for McWilliams severely backed up bowels. “l haven’t had a good B.M. since Rock-N-Ribs. Musta been all the cheesey corn,” said McWilliams.

Inspiration struck Dr. Jane Murphy when she saw the construction cranes outside the hospital and half-jokingly said, “’I bet a steep climb would loosen your inside mudslide.’ I, I didn’t’ think he would really try it,” said Murphy placing a hand over her mouth to conceal a smile of astonishment, “But I am taking credit for this ‘discovery’, that is for sure.”
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Officials at the hospital are currently in the process to patent and then license the therapy to other health care institutions across the globe. “We have a few interested parties, mostly establishments who already are under construction and have cranes in place,” said one source who refused to be identified based upon the delicate nature of the breakthrough treatment.

Testing is the final step before constipational base jumping is rolled out in a widespread fashion. Volunteers are currently being vetted at tents in the hospital parking lot where researchers are outfitting medical research attendees with adult diapers.