Guide Spews Lies During Local Tour

Over here – you prolly didn’t know dat

Springfield, MO – Recent complaints have poured into the Missouri Department of Tourism following a guided tour by Southern Tours that included several prominent Springfield landmarks and points of interest. Several complaints were directed at the tour guide, known only as Terry the Tour Guide.

“I grew up in this area and I’ve never heard anyone give a more inaccurate description of the events that have shaped our history,” said Hank Grufferboff, “he kept saying ‘you prolly didn’t know that’ as if he knew something we didn’t, but he was making it all up. Total bullcrap.”

A transcript of an alleged audio recording revealed a glimpse into the tour:

Terry: “And over here (points to Hammons Tower) is where dem Nazis hid during the seventies,   and
survived by selling birthday cakes, buy you prolly didn’t know that. And down here (pointing to the Shrine
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And here on the square (pointing to downtown square) is where Colonel Sanders whipped General Lee into
giving up his tasty fried chicken recipe – you prolly didn’t know that. And over yonder (pointing to the Heers
building) is where my uncle Pete tried to light family of crickets on fire but just ended up an month-long
headache after one jumped in his ear – you prolly didn’t know that.”

The Missouri Department of Tourism released a statement which said they are investigating the incident and warn tourists to avoid a man offering tours in a homemade converted school bus. “The alleged complaints are serious and are considered fraudulent in nature. Our intent is to provide visitors to this area a realistic view into the past with any sanctioned tour, and to protect paying customers from mis-information.”

Southern Tours could not be reached for comment, but you probably already knew that.