KC Chimps Escape Highway Shooter

Chimp knows when enough is enough

Kansas City, MO – Seven chimpanzees attempted to escape the area to avoid random shootings that have been plaguing the area for several weeks. The chimps successfully used a tree limp to escape the Kansas City Zoo, but were apprehended with food and the promise of improved security.

“The chimps have a valid point. I don’t exactly want to be in the crosshairs of a deranged rifleman and have considered leaving the area myself,” said Laird Postim, a zookeeper in charge of the exhibit. Chimps have an uncanny ability to understand emotions in their surroundings and experts believe that bad news can travel swiftly within the colony.

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Officials are still attempting to subdue the highway shooter and does not believe that any zoo animals are in immediate danger. However, Officer Hal Vigan said, “Animals have a keen sense of danger. Something that we tend to overlook from time to time. It is entirely possible that these chimps felt threatened and decided it was time to move on. I don’t blame them a bit.”

Experts agree that the chimps may attempt another escape if KC lands the proposed 2016 Republican National Convention.