Group Fart Propels SGF Into the Future

Woman traveling forward 2.5 seconds in time

Springfield, MO – The entire population of our fair city was thrust forward into time this weekend after hundreds of people trouser coughed at once while at the 33^rd Sertoma Chili Cook Off at the EXPO Center. The consolidated butt honk lurched the entire city into the future by 2.5 seconds.

“It was very stange…one moment I was washing a plate at the sink, then without realizing it I had a dirty glass in my hand. I figured I just forgot that I had completed the plate, but I actually traveled through time,” said Hilary Tkow. Others had similar experiences. “I was waiting at a light, yielding to turn left. Next thing I knew my car was headed east past the intersection. I thought I might have blacked out, but now I know 2.5 seconds of my life were advanced,” said Richard Mbach.
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Researchers are investigating into the occurrence. “A unique event such as this is not unheard of…over the course of time, large groups have banned together and created a life-changing moment. The fact that this traversing of space and time was precipitated by a synchronous acid biscuit is most intriguing,” said Professor Lars Fingerton.

According to the event organizers, logistically, it makes sense that thousands of people at a chili event would need to belch from behind, but not all at the same time. “Once the stint went into the fabric, our world changed,” said Millie Pantherglass, “I think this was nature’s way of protecting us from inhaling that awful beefer vapor.”